Fitting Right In

Sidey’s Weekend Theme (I’m only getting around to it now) is “chameleon”…

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You might think that the stick insect does a great job of looking like a stick, that the bull-frog looks remarkably like a bull and that the great tit looks, well, never mind.

But nothing blends in like Claude the Chameleon. He truly can make himself red with anger or green with envy, and don’t he make his brown eyes blue.

Stand him by a wall and he looks like a wall, stand him by a tree and he looks like a tree, stand him by a fully kitted-out golfer in bright yellow trousers, a lilac jumper and black-and-white shoes and he looks like an idiot.

All of the other animals hate him.

It’s because of his warped sense of humour. A dog will be lolling sleepily on a deck on a hot summer afternoon when the railings will suddenly speak to him. A tiger preying in the jungle will find himself goosed by what had appeared to be a vine. A polar bear will suddenly be hit by a snowball, apparently thrown at him by an igloo.

Female chameleons don’t like him either. If a date isn’t going particularly well he just vanishes, not by going to the bathroom and never coming back, but simply by merging with the restaurant wallpaper.

He is quite hurt by this. He always thought that his merry japes would make him immensely popular, much as a person who pulls your chair away when you are about to sit down is always surprised when you don’t laugh.

Which is why last year to cheer himself up he decided to go on holiday. He caught a plane (looking like a drinks trolley), got a taxi (looking like a brown suitcase) and then caught the subway (looking like a drunk) right into central New York.

Times SquareWhere unfortunately he wandered into Times Square. His hair went frizzy, his skin began to peel and he got a blinding headache.

He had never felt worse. He thought that the Fourth Of July was not nearly as much fun as he’d been told it was.

Then the fireworks display started.

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