Dear Judge O’Donnell,
I’d like to apply for an exemption order allowing the pub beside our office to open on Good Friday.
This is because a “Special Event” is taking place in the area. I have to work that day.
In case my boss is reading this (and the fact that this is a possibility is a whole new story I have to tell you all), I would like to point out that I’m not saying that me working is a “Unique Event”. I’m just saying that it’s a “Special Event”, in accordance with the meaning of that phrase applied by you yourself, Judge.
You ruled that the pubs in the Limerick area can open on Friday because Munster are playing Leinster in the least important rugby competition of all, and in which they play each other twice a season anyway. In other words, a “Special Event” is one which takes place regularly, and which no-one gives a damn about.
Well, I work about 48 Fridays a year, and no-one gives a flying fart about the fact that I’ve to work on this one. The two cases are so similar it’s uncanny.
One of the reasons you gave for the exemption was the health and safety issue. Well, there will be about 50 people working in my office on Friday. Can you imagine what it will be like when they all spill out onto the street at 5.30 with nowhere to go except, well, home? The footpath outside will be dangerously crowded for at least two minutes.
But imagine instead if we were all allowed into the pub next door. Just think of the boost to our local (in every sense) economy. Why, if we all had three drinks each the pub would make almost a grand, which in these hard times is not to be sneezed at (especially since the pub doesn’t sell snuff).
Obviously I don’t expect you to allow all the pubs in the country to open. They don’t all have a “Special Event” going on nearby (though you can bet that they will have next year), so that would be silly. No, your excellent ruling means that, while most of the country can’t do something that’s perfectly legal on 363 other days of the year, the people in the area around our office will be able to go to the pub whether they’ve taken any part in the “Special Event” or not.
In fact, bearing in mind that our office is quite near the Four Courts, you could stroll down yourself after work.
I’ll buy you a pint.