“So basically,” said Gabriel, “you’ve got the whole world in your hands.”
It was Creation Day One, and God was holding a small orb.
“Not exactly,” said God. “In fact, it’s the whole universe.”
“The question is,” said Gabriel, “why?”
“Omnipresence,” said God. “Have you any idea how hard it will be being everywhere at once when everywhere is, well, everywhere? This way I can carry everywhere around with me, so that I’m always there and won’t have to work as much.”
God waved his hands expressively as he said this, and the universe slipped out of his palm. Gabriel watched as God dived after it. “You should put in in your pocket,” he said when God came back. “Otherwise you’re going to keep dropping it every time you wave at something, or feel the sudden urge to dance to YMCA.”
“Good idea,” said God, trying to put the universe in to the pocket of his robe. “It won’t fit,” he said. “I’ll just squeeze it a little tighter –“
“Er, that’s a bit dense,” said Gabriel, looking nervously at the universe.
“It’s not dense at all,” said God huffily, “it’s a perfectly sensible –“
The universe suddenly shrank into tiny ball of infinite darkness. God let go of it, gently, and looked at Gabriel.
“Run,” he said.
They only got a few steps before it happened.
There was a big bang.
There was a flash of brilliant light, light which expanded until it illuminated every farthest corner of absolute distance.
“Yes, well that had always been my plan,” said God. “On the first day I’d planned that there would be light.”
“Good idea,” said Gabriel, “because now we can see what’s coming next.”
Following the expanding light came, well, everything. God and Gabriel ducked as galaxies flew past, stretching as they went. Pluto flicked a few feathers from Gabriel’s wing as it rocketed past on its way to the far reaches of the solar system. Several of Jupiter’s moons shot by, like popcorn bursting from a faulty microwave. Uranus hit God a ringing slap on the bum, because schoolboy humour has been around since before the beginning of time itself.
Slowly things slowed. The universe solved its own jigsaw puzzle, and everything fell into place. God turned to Gabriel, who was wearing Saturn’s rings on his head, which would later give God the idea for the halo. He pointed to a particular planet, which from that distance looked blue and green.
“Ok, I’ll go more slowly,” said God. “I’ll start by working on that one.”