Tag Archives: eskimos

Have You Snow Home to Go To?

iglooWhen I arrived into my local last night the only three customers were talking about Eskimos (like you do). One of them said “have you ever heard this, Tinman? There’s a tradition that if a visitor turns up during the night at his igloo an Eskimo has to offer to let him sleep with his wife.”

Then he continued “Like, for body warmth. I mean she’ll be wearing her coat & gloves and all. So like, he’d just be sleeping with her, not, er..” and here the sentence tapered off.

One of the more endearing things about the guys who drink in our bar is that, while not one of us could put a sentence of more than three words together without “fuck” appearing in it somewhere, there is seldom any mention of actual sex, and people get very embarrassed if it does come up. Generally we act as if sex doesn’t exist, and in a sadly large number of our cases this is actually true.

Anyway, I said that I’d never heard of this (and I’ve since Googled it and unfortunately can’t get any confirmation) and so the matter was let drop. But not in my mind, as I find it very hard to let things like this go.

eskimo-girlSuppose the Eskimo’s wife looked like this girl here, for example, and the same visitor turned up about five nights a week? At what point would our Eskimo start to get suspicious?

Or suppose the nocturnal visitor (and where the hell would they be going late at night in a frozen wasteland in the first place?) turned out to be a girl? There are two possibilities here, either of which I reckon would appeal to the Eskimo, simply because he’s a bloke and that’s the way we think.

Ignoring the more Sapphic possibility in the interests of my heartrate, let’s just take the one where the girl visitor is sent to sleep with the homeowner. My guess is that he will not “be wearing his coat & gloves and all”. She’s more likely to arrive in into the bedroom to find him wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with little hearts on them.

Oh, and he’ll have lit candles to enhance the atmosphere, so the igloo will melt.

Advertisements