Tag Archives: Big Brother

Big Brother Blog (7)

He’s gone!

The little trouble maker has gone – losing a contest against seven other housemates. How unpopular must he feel?

He was visibly shocked and angry when his name was called out. He honestly thought he would win. Straight away he bitched “mind your back” to Lisa and Mikey, still believing that his eviction was due to dirty tricks by Darnell, Kat and Rachel. The public voted you out, idiot.

He then gave a bitter and graceless interview to Davina, still full of snide claims and sarcastic remarks. He was little better on BBLB today.

I do hope he gets on well with Bex. They genuinely like each other, and it would be nice if things go well.

Friday’s programme, by the way, was one of the funniest ever, between Rex’s terrific shopping list and the hysterical sight of Mikey after eating the chilli.

Big Brother Blog (6)

I know who Lisa reminds me of!

Her face is that of the archetypal blow-up doll.

I fear that her story yesterday that she’s seen a little green alien was not taken seriously by the other housemates. I’m sure she’d have looked hurt if she was able to. (And while I’m slagging Lisa, it’s worth pointing out that Belinda-by-Three thinks that aliens landed in the US at someplace called ‘Rockwell’). The alien, by the way, has to have been the dumbest one ever to visit Earth if it came here and went away having abducted a tent as a sample of human life to study. No wonder they haven’t been back.

With Mario gone, Lisa’s personality is beginning to show – which is unfortunate for her, since she seems to be a mentler. She believes that Mario was evicted because “the Universe decided it was his time” – funnily, I’d thought it was because “the UK decided he was a pillock”.

BBB should go this Friday. In a house starved of music, she has managed to make music unpopular.

The others like to think they have big personalities, but she really does, and it’s just too big for a 24/7 existence in such confined circumstances.

Only one nomination for the ghastly Luke this week – aaargh! Wake up, guys!!!

Big Brother Blog (5)

So Jen will face Rex on Friday. My guess is that Jen will go. She is the perfect example of what the pressures of the BB House can do to you – though sweet and charming at the start, she has become a total moan, and the focus of most of the trouble in the house.

If she does go, it may be the making of Bex. She has been sucked into the unhappiness, and is starting to behave quite alarmingly. If Jen goes and the others welcome Bex back into the fold, she could return to being the funny person she was at the beginning.

In fairness to Jennifer, she did nominate Rachel and Kat. She said their happiness was both annoying and fake, and followed that through in the nominations process, though she must know that nominating Kat will not make her popular with the public.

Luke, though, who was sent to jail for hinting to Bex that she should nominate the happy couple, was smart enough to make two safe nominations, keeping himself in with what he still reckons is his adoring public (he’s thankfully wrong – two girls who told me last week that they wanted him to win are disliking him more and more as the days go by).

As for Dale – Christ, man, you don’t like Stuart, you don’t like the situation with the three of you, for God’s sake nominate him.

We don’t like him either – it could solve all your problems.   

Big Brother Blog (4)


Friday’s & Saturday’s programmes were just astonishing.

At the start of the Friday show Davina told us Dennis has been kicked out for unacceptable behaviour, so one would be expecting something bad, but I just gasped aloud when Dennis spat so suddenly into Mohammad’s face. One of the most amazing things was that only Darnelle and Mario seemed to appreciate just how serious it was, and that there was absolutely no way in which he could survive. The others felt he had been unfairly treated in some way. God, guys, even in football you can kick someone, trip someone, even headbutt someone, and while you’ll be sent off you won’t lose the respect of other players, but to spit at an opponent will still bring the wrath of the entire opposition, the crowd and the media down upon you. He simply had to go, especially since Alex had already gone for brainless threats that no-one really took seriously.   

As for the row that started it all, well, Rex really is a fish out of water in there. His posh accent, education and constant references to his successful restaurant business would alienate him from the others in any event, but it doesn’t help either that he has zero social skills. He come across as bossy and arrogant, and he has an unfortunate smirk on his face at all times. He kept this smirk on while he was apologising to Jen for smudging her painting (remember, he wouldn’t have done that to a Monet), and this made his apology look false. For someone so allegedly well-bred it was a pretty badly worded apology, too.

Still, he apologised, & it would all have died down at it not been for the Beef-cake Boys competing to see which on them could be Jen’s knight in shining armour. each of them blundered in, each of them made it worse, and then Dale ordered Rex out of the room, well, no bloke would take that. Then the eyeballing started, the “will you make me?”s started and then almost everyone got involved. Mohammad by now is completely paranoid since whatever he does in the house these days some-one seems to find fault with him. He jumped in to defend Rex, the only one who still seems to like him, and Dennis, who had already had his problems with Mo, just let rip. The sight of poor Kat crying through the whole thing was quite distressing.

Mario did a great job (he does grow on you) in calming down the lads, while in the other room all the girls (including Luke) just kept fanning the flames. The following morning, after Dennis went, Jen burst out that she hoped justice was done, and that Mo would be evicted by the public that night. Then she gave out to Darnelle for criticizing them all for defending Dennis. Again, the silly girl doesn’t see that spitting outdid anything that had ever been in the house before, ever.

Anyway, needless to say, Mo stayed, because the public don’t see anything wrong with him at all, and Jen’s mate Sylvia went with 90 per cent of the vote.

It’s going to keep getting better and better.   

Big Brother Blog (3)

They were brilliant tonight at the task!

Part of the reason I love the programme is that you get to empathise with them, and you root for them when they’re up against it, like they were in this week’s task, when first Rachel got injured, and then choreographer Dennis was sent to jail. I gave them no chance at all, and they were fantastic. We whooped and yelled in our house just as loudly as they did when they passed. We did the same last week when Dale broke the block with the karate chop.

Luke though … well, Luke makes me puke.

He’s the gurning love-child of Frankie Howard and Emily Bishop. He bitches, he gossips, he invents conspiracies, he mistrusts the nice people, and sides with the nastier ones. He’s made friends with the hapless yet endearing Bex, but says the most insulting things to her that he obviously thinks she’ll find funny.

Last week he got no nominations, this week he got a couple. Slowly the others are starting to see through him.

Sylvia’s bound to go tomorrow, which is probably as well for her own sake, since I’m scared what she might do to try and get attention next. I don’t really see why Mo was up against her anyway, he doesn’t really do a whole lot wrong.

Mario, when you see more of him, is not as bad as I first thought, but still is very full of himself. It was good to see Mikey get 3 nominations, and that people aren’t scared to appear bad in the public eye by nominating the blind guy. He’s really not a particulaurly nice bloke.

The battle of the beef-cake is quite funny. Dale is very afraid of Stuart, without seeing that he is 10 times the person that Stuart is. Wake up, Dale, he wears eye make-up for Christ’s sake.

At the moment I’d like Bex to win. She reminds me of Helen from BB2 – at the beginning her screaming & dumbness were really annoying, but as time goes on you realise that she’s a really lovely girl.

Big Brother Blog (2)

“I’m a straight-up bloke, me,” said Mario in the diary room, “what you see is what you get.”

No sense of irony, then, from our Mario (nee Shaun). You don’t even use your own name, mate.

“We have our own fan-club, us, back where we come from,” he told the other housemates, referring to himself and his clingy girlfriend Lisa, a woman with a permanently startled expression who applies make-up to her face in the same way Rolf Harris applies paint to a canvas.

She spends all her time massaging or oiling him, while he just lies there making disparaging comments about everyone else.

He is the ultimate “bloke”, in the worst possible meaning of the word. It’s hard to be more unlikeable than the shrieking Alexandra, but this king-sized knob manages it easily.

For God’s sake get him out.

I know, I know ….

 People stare at you with the same look of bewilderment that Josef Friezl must have got when he used to nip down to the shop for nappies. “You watch what?” they say.

I watch Big Brother. Worse still, I allow my children to watch Big Brother. It’s pretty much the last thing that we all watch as a family, appearing from all directions at nine each evening to squish together on the couch to stare at the worst, and greatest, show on earth.

People who don’t understand addiction think they can cure you with logic. “It’s a freak show.” I know. “It’s manipulative.” I know. “They all just want to be famous.” I know. “It’s not even real, because they’re not being themselves, they’re just acting so that the public will like them.”

Ah-ha. Wrong. That’s part of the fun. They are putting up a front, acting out a persona that they think will endear them to the public and to their fellow housemates, but it is impossible to do this 24/7 for three months, and their real personality always shows through. “I just tried to be myself,” they will say to Davina when they get evicted, No you didn’t love, but don’t worry, we saw the real you, and that’s why you’re sitting there. 

There are five days gone in the current one, and already I would struggle to tell you the name of any of the people who were in last year’s. Of all forms of fleeting fame, that of reality TV contestant is the shortest lasting, as there is always another bunch to replace you. Someone called Alesha, I think, won this year’s Celeb Come Dancing. Who won last year? 

Five days gone, and already we’ve seen the first BB row in the house  – no, our house, my wife and I have argued over whether or not Big Brother cheated with the task. Already I have shouted at the TV in anger at the sheer awfulness of the obnoxious Alexandra, blanched with horror at the vile Dennis, marvelled at the sheer empty-headedness of the public-school-educated Rex, and wondered which of the contestants will be brave and un-PC enough to nominate the blind-poor-thing-but-let’s-face-it-he’s-still really-annoying-God-forgive-me-for-saying-it Mikey. Already I have cringed for the poor Thai girl Kat, hiding all her insecurities behind her big glasses, mutli-coloured hair and OTT personality, as she told us her friends had taught her a new word – “H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S – Hiwawious.” They aren’t your friends, honey, and at least getting into the house meant that they didn’t get to teach you this week’s word, which was going to  be “rollerblader”.

Over the next few weeks we will get to know those who survive the early culls as well as we know any of our family and friends. We will know how they will react to any given situation better than they will know, know which of them likes & which of them despises each other, and will be able to tell which of them will go on to become a minor, minor, celeb (anyone noticed that Johnny the fireman from Jade’s BB is now an actor in the Skybet ads?) and which will vanish back to the obscurity they came from.

And then it will end, in a blaze of fireworks, and I will leave it behind. I don’t even watch the Sunday programme where they are all re-united.  The overblown final night really does finish it with a grand sense of closure, and anyway, by then summer will be over, kids will have homework, football & decent programming will be back on TV and we’ll have had enough. Till next year.