On the page where WordPress “wows” and “whoops” each time you publish a post it offers you three possible topics to get you started on your next one. Some of these have also appeared as daily prompts, but a recent option was “If you were an inanimate object, what would you be?”
For a second I didn’t get the hang of the idea at all, I thought “well, if I was, say, a block of wood I wouldn’t be animate enough to answer the question“. Then I figured out what they were at, it’s one of those questions like “if you were a car, what model would you be” (or, “if you were a model, what car would you be“)?
Psychologists make much of your answers. If you pick a TV remote you like being in control, if you pick a megaphone you think you’re loud, if you pick a blanket you think you’re comforting, a doormat means you have self-esteem issues. A codpiece says you’re a bit of a dick.
Which is all very fine if you’re prepared to actually attempt to answer the question seriously. If you think the question is daft, are on a long bus journey home stuck in road-works and don’t see why you should limit yourself to just one simple object you may come up with a list something like this:
The national flag of Benin. An Olympic starting-gun. The umbrella Gene Kelly used during the Singing in the Rain scene. A Blue Peter badge. The upper-left window-sill of Donnybrook Garda Station (the bus has just passed it). The moon. The sash worn by Miss Honduras at the 1978 Miss World contest. The gadget inside a truck that makes it beep-beep when it’s reversing. The river Jurua (might as well make use of stuff I’ve learned). The “Bistro Vivienne” sign shown at the top of Vivinfrance’s blog (sorry, Viv, SpellCheck is not at all impressed by your name). A CD of “The Hissing of Summer Lawns” by Joni Mitchell. The basin that Pontius Pilate washed his hands in (the OCD equivalent of the Holy-Grail). The Ryder Cup. A didgeridoo. The rolled-up copy of the Times that a spy carries. The Mary Celeste. A three-quarters-full bottle of Lea and Perrins sauce. The Large Hadron Collider. A Penny Black stamp. The third face from the left on Mount Rushmore (can’t remember who it is). A butterfly net. The football England scored/didn’t score the third goal in the 1966 World Cup Final with. A pith-helmet. A copy of the book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”, with the first five pages missing. The Orient Express. The orange light on a set of traffic-lights (traffic is still crap). The chain of office of the President of the Rotary Club of Swindon. A left shoe. The Popemobile. The “Kiss Me Hardy” t-shirt that Nelson wore at the Battle of Trafalgar. The rubber shark from Jaws. A toilet-roll holder. The New York Stock Exchange bell. One of the metal signs that says “Route 66”. The shadow that Devon Loch jumped to fall and so lose the 1956 Grand National. A lightning rod. The rumouredly empty handbag that the Queen carries around with her. A rabbit-hutch. One of those huge rocks that they stick at the entrance to housing estates with the name of the estate carved into it. The button on your keyboard to the left of the 1, the one that no-one knows what it‘s for. The Volkswagen on the cover of Abbey Road.
Let’s see what the psychologists make of that.