Getting Into Print

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is this picture…

SWT the book

via View From The Side (obviously)

If you approach a castle that seems to have its very own lightning storm overhead, if you are offered a weekend in a haunted house, if you audition for the X-Factor and decide to sing My Heart Will Go On, people will warn you that it can only end in tears. Or gruesome spurts of blood.

What they would say about walking into an opening in a huge book, property of Fifi Fofum the Giantess, can only be guessed at. But Nuala wanted fame, so she was going to do it anyway.

The goblin watched from the side of the book as she took a deep breath, then stepped through.

And straight out the other side.

The goblin walked around to meet her.

“Good morning,” he said.

Nuala turned and looked upwards. “I’m not in the book,” she said, surprised.

“Of course not. That’s not how you get into a book,” said the goblin. “You get written in by the author because you’re part of the story.”

“That’s what I was hoping for,” said Nuala.

“Often, of course,” said the goblin conversationally, “that part of the story is to be horribly murdered so that some Nordic detective can spend 400 pages trying to find out who killed you.”

“Oh,” said Nuala. “Is that what’s going to happen to me?”

“No,” said the goblin patiently, “because as I said you’re not in the book. You just walked through a hole. That makes as much sense as walking under a railway bridge and thinking you’ll end up on a train.”

“Then why’s the hole there at all?” asked Nuala.

“It‘s a Plot Hole,” said the goblin. “A gigantic flaw in the logic of the story, like, say, how the hole in the story could be a Plot Hole in the story. Or why we’re both ignoring the two creepy-looking babies and the fact that a frog seems to be sneaking into the book, which makes nonsense of everything I told you about how to get into one. Believe me, the guy who’s writing this is a genius at Plot Holes, though not intentionally.”

“The guy who writes this?” said Nuala. “So I am in a story after all?”

“Not really,” said the goblin. “You’re in one of Tinman’s blog posts.”

“So,” said Nuala excitedly, “it means I’m on the Internet. I could end up famous, like the Gangnam Style guy.”

“Being in a Tinman post is not quite in the same league,” said the goblin. “It’s basically one step up from being a guy in a YouTube video skateboarding down a stair-rail and falling onto it on his crotch.”

6 thoughts on “Getting Into Print

    1. Tinman Post author

      It shows how frivolous what I write usually is that a post that ends in “falls on his crotch” is regarded as one of my introspective ones…..


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