The Once And Future Tin

The prompt at our Inksplinters Writers Group this week was to write about ancestry…


Great-great-great-to-the-power-of-about-ten-Grandfather Tin was one of the Knights of the Round Table.

He was short, as I am, so he was never sent into battle, since his suit of armour was so small that if he wore it he looked like R2D2.

Instead he became the Scribe of Camelot, writing a daily journal which he published under the title Worth Doing Nightly. He didn’t mean anything rude by this, he just wasn’t very good at spelling.

His interests included quaffing, wenching and rolling cheeses down a hill. In this he and I are very different, as here in Ireland we don’t have round cheeses.

Like me, they say his heart was in the right place, but since everyone’s is this is not all that interesting. What is interesting is that, like me, his heartbeat could be erratic, so as a pacemaker Merlin conjured up a small ball of fire inside him, which would power him should anything go wrong with his heart. After this Tin cut down drastically on his wenching, you don’t want to do anything too exerting when you’re wearing what is basically an internal volcano.

Tin used to take part in the Weekly Portrait Challenge, in which he would write a story inspired by that week’s portrait of Guinevere. It was after he unluckily made up one about a queen falling in love with the king’s most trusted knight (“they kiƒsed, then went at it like bunnieƒ”) that he was banished forever from Camelot.

He was forced to live in Penury, a small town in Gloucestershire, with a square table and with his bride, Lady Missustin. He had met her when she was a handmaiden (what we now call a manicurist) to Guinevere.

And there he started the Tinfamily, leaving a lineage of a love of writing, a dearth of verticality and a tendency towards volatile cardiology.

I realise that I have forgotten to explain how he became a Knight of the Round Table in the first place. Arthur knighted him after Tin saved his life, killing a boar that had been about to gore Arthur. He did this by stabbing it with a sword that he found stuck in a nearby stone.

Arthur had then taken the sword, looking thoughtful, then dubbed Tin on both shoulders with it and then said “let’s say nothing about this.”

Sir Tin, as he now was, had agreed. We were never a very bright family.

4 thoughts on “The Once And Future Tin

  1. Janie Jones

    I don’t know about him not being very bright, ultimately, look at what happened to Arthur…. Incest, his wife cheated on him with his best friend, and finally he was slain by his own son/nephew and Camelot fell. I think the once and future Tins made out on the deal handsomely.

  2. prenin

    I’m with Janie on this one! 🙂

    When there’s magic about the best thing to be is a heck of a long way away!!! 🙂

    Love the story dude!!! 🙂

    God Bless!



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