Tinman’s weekly camera-less attempt at the WordPress Photo Challenge…
“Seriously?” said Lot. “A pillar of salt?”
“Look, I warned you,” said God. I said ‘don’t look back’.”
“Don’t you know anything about humans?” said Lot.
“Of course I do,” said God. “I invented them.”
“Well then you should know that we never listen to warnings. ‘Don’t go into that old house where horrible axe-murders have taken place’. ‘Don’t try to make a YouTube video of you skateboarding along a hand-rail’. ‘Don’t try to light your own farts’. I mean, once you said ‘don’t look back’ you might as well have set out armchairs for us, and given us popcorn to eat while we watched what was going on. What was going on, anyway?”
“I was destroying Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstone,” said God.
“Why?” asked Lot.
“Because they practised sodomy and, er, gomorramy.”
“What’s gomorramy?” asked Lot.
“You don’t want to know,” said God, who didn’t actually know himself.
“Is it anything like Begorramy?”
“What, putting on a fake Irish accent? Nah, the punishment for that is to be turned into a pillar of Guinness.”
“Which brings us back to the topic of my wife,” said Lot, pointing to the nearby pillar of salt. “Adam and Eve only had to move house when they disobeyed you. This is a bit harsh, isn’t it, just for looking the wrong way?”
“There are pubs in many inner cities,” said God, “where looking the wrong way can get you killed.”
“Yes, but that’s actually better than what’s happened to my wife,” said Lot. “She’s not even dead, she’s just some sort of ready-salted zombie. She’ll have to stand there for the rest of time, watching in fury while people dab their chips against her.”
“Not for the rest of time,” said God.
“Well, that’s good news,” said Lot.
“Not really,” said God. “I meant it’s going to rain tomorrow.”
“Just great,” said Lot. “She’ll be bath salts.”
“How did you know that she’d become was a pillar of salt?” asked God suddenly.
“What?” asked Lot cautiously, feeling somehow that he was being led towards an abyss. “Well, we walking along together, and she was talking, and suddenly there was silence.”
“And how did you know that she hadn’t just stopped talking?” asked God.
“You’ve never been married, have you?” said Lot.
“No,” admitted God, “but you still would have walked forward a couple of steps. So how did you find out that she’d become a pillar of salt?”
“Well,” said Lot, very quietly, “I looked back to see where she was.”
“Gotcha,” said God.
“Very mature,” said Lot. “What was the point of saving the only righteous couple in the twin cities just to turn us into a condiment set a few minutes later?”
God was beginning to realise that he had saved a man who was always right. This was not what he had understood the word “righteous” to mean.
“Ok,” he sighed. “I’ll give you another chance.” He vanished, but just as he did so he snapped his fingers (he didn’t of course need to do that, but appearances are important) and Lot’s wife came back to life.
“Bloody hell,” she said. “You would not believe how thirsty I am.”
“Never mind that,” said Lot. “Just keep walking forwards, and whatever you do, don’t look – ah, crap. Er, hello, God? It’s me again…”