Gone Too Soon

I’ve spent all week trying to decide whether I should write about this or not. It’s a strange post about a strange topic, and I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.

Since last Sunday I have lived longer than my Mum did.

She died in 1987, 23 days after her 55th birthday. Last Sunday was the 24th day after mine.

It’s always been there, as I’ve gone from my late 40s to early 50s. There was always this vague feeling that I was approaching some sort of ceiling, and the fact that my Dad is still going strong at 79 did nothing to dispel this.

Now that I’ve passed her age, still in great health (yes, ok, I have the pacemaker, but in every other way I’m still really fit, in every possible meaning of that expression) I feel relieved, and also a bit ashamed at feeling that way.

But mostly I’m looking at all the things that I’m doing, that I’m planning to do, that I’m hoping to do, and I feel sad. I’ve always known, of course, that she died too young, but now that I’m in territory that she never got to I realise, more profoundly than ever, just how true that is.

Still miss you, Mum.

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10 thoughts on “Gone Too Soon

  1. Carol

    I know what you mean, thinking about your own mortality. Sorry you feel sad and hope you feel more upbeat soon.
    I’m only a recent follower, but somehow I imagined you younger than that! Don’t know why that is.

    Reply
  2. laughykate

    Wow, Tinman, that made me go all goose bumpy.

    I’d like to attempt to say something that gives some sort of comfort but all I can come up with is that I’m really pleased you wrote it. x

    Reply
  3. Pseu

    When my father died in his 60s I knew he wasn’t old, (19 years ago) but as I creep closer to that age I realise it more fully, and understand completely where you are coming from on this.

    Reply
  4. mairedubhtx

    I know you still miss your Mum. She died much too young. I still miss my mother who died 20 years ago at the age of 72. Even though it was a blessing, she suffered so, there are still days that I want to call her and talk to her, to tel her about my life and the lives of her granddaughter and her great-grandchildren she never knew. We will always miss our mothers. We can’t help it. We’re blessed to have them for as long as we do.

    Reply

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