Panic Room

A WordPress prompt: “you are trapped in a room with your biggest fear. Describe what’s in the room.”

As a blogger, of course, my biggest fear is being trapped with a computer, a blinking cursor on an otherwise blank screen, and a mind as empty as a political promise.

For other, more normal, people, so much depends on what their fear is. If you suffer from Agoraphobia then what’s in the room is a very contented person without a worry in the world, or else a terrified person teetering on the edge of some weird spatial vortex.

On the other hand if you suffer from Cleithrophobia, the fear of being locked in an enclosed space, then you are in very big trouble (Claustrophobia, the word you were probably all thinking of, is actually fear of Santa).

If you suffer from Taurophobia, fear of bulls, there is just a bull and you in a small room. I think you’ll agree that such a situation would make Tauraphobes of us all.

If you have a fear of cutesiness then you are probably in a room with Laura Ashley wallpaper.

Some are afraid of the number thirteen. How this would work is not clear, unless there is a giant number thirteen in the room with you. This is unlikely to say the least, but if it just happens just switch the digits. Nobody is afraid of the number 31, that would just be daft.

And if abstracts like numbers are allowed in, then why not anything. The colour blue. The feel of morning stubble. The sad reflection on the futility of existence. Freckles. Rain on your wedding day. Alanis Morissette.

The above suggestions were intended to be silly, but this afternoon I overcame my Sackedophobia (fear of being caught researching for your blog during working hours) and looked up a list of phobias. As a species we are seriously messed up.

There are actual named phobias about string, chins (?), opinions, chopsticks, names (??), handwriting, belly-buttons, infinity, sermons, justice(???), time, paper, and the Pope.

Then there is Arachibutyrophobia – fear of (and there aren’t enough question marks in the world to put after this one) peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

And there is Phobophobia – the fear of phobias. Of course there is.


7 thoughts on “Panic Room

  1. vivinfrance

    I don’t think I have any phobias, but I am rather afraid of pain. Is that too serious to be funny about? If I were being silly, I would call it frenchbreadophobia.

  2. speccy

    I fear I will never be as funny, clever or articulate as you, but I enjoy your company, so would have no fear of being stuck in a room with you. Unless it was more of a lift than a room, and it had a mouse in it.

  3. Grannymar

    Hypothermia is my one fear, and unfortunately I am well aware what it feels like. Would I be allowed a mobile phone in this here room, if not, I refuse to go.


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