Ryan Tubridy is the best known presenter on Irish radio, and on Wednesday night Mrs Tin told me that this week he is running a competition where he reads out a line, and then you’ve to finish the story in under 150 words. He is on the air from 9 to 11 am, while I am at work, but yesterday morning Mrs Tin emailed me his line anyway, which was “Deep in the woods the grand wizard Enda gathered his forces to meet the Merkellian”.
Enda is Enda Kenny, our Taoiseach (Prime Minister), and the Merkellian is obviously Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, and most of the 146 words that follow may be lost on most of you, but this is what (yes, during work-time) I sent in…
Deep in the woods the grand wizard Enda gathered his forces to meet the Merkellian. The Merkellian was an Ice Queen who had emerged from the gateaus of the Black Forest to rule over the 27 kingdoms.
Many had faced her withering Medusan gaze and been defeated. The Greeks had come bearing gifts and had fled austeritised. Berlusconi had tried the Bunga-Bunga spell and was now in the dungeons. The Spanish had found their kingdom captured by towels placed on their deck-chairs.
But Enda’s forces included the Everlasting Bankers, who could not be moved, and the Droning Noonan, who could not be understood.
The Merkellian was defeated. She granted Enda’s land the Bond of Delay, which meant that Enda still had to pay her all his kingdom’s gold, just on a different day.
Apparently this was a Good Thing, and we all paid happily ever after.
I’ve won a Playstation 3, though hearing him reading out my story (via Mrs Tin’s phone held up to the radio) was the real thrill.
There is a slight downside, though. The five daily winners went into a draw for a family cruise. I didn’t win.
Now I’ve to think up reasons why this would have been no fun.