I’m Gonna Sit Write Down And Write Someone A Letter
The Daily Post Writing Challenge for this week is Mail It In. It suggests a load of stuff that’s way out of my league (when it comes to computers my League is Division 3 North) but also suggests that we might like to write about email itself (and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t?).
Email is great. Without it we’d have scenarios like the one below.
I heard the splat of envelopes on the hallway floor and went to look at that morning’s mail. There was a gentle reminder from my electricity provider about a sum I owed them, which hinted at “cutting off“ without actually specifying what. There was a request from somebody I’d met once on holiday in Dungarvan, asking me to “friend” them. There was a letter from a Nigerian princess asking me for my bank details (she had to write each letter, to everyone in the world, by hand, surely it would have been easier just to get a job).
Then there was a letter from my accountant.
It read “It’s time to send in this year’s tax returns. Please send me all your figures.”
I fetched a pen and some paper and wrote “Ok.” I went to the post-box and posted it.
A week went by. I received another letter from him. It said “Any update on this?”
I wrote back “Sorry, I forgot. Will get the stuff to you as soon as possible.” I went and posted that.
I spent the next hour digging out what he’d need. I put it into an envelope and wrote “Here it is now. See attachment.” I posted that, so that now both letters were in the same post-box. It’s quite possible that he read them in reverse order.
The next day I got the one-line letter “No attachment.”
I looked on my desk. The papers were still there. I wrote “Oops!” and duly attached the papers, with a paper clip.
He wrote back “No worries.”
The following day I got another letter from him. It read “I’ve booked the hotel for the weekend. My wife thinks I’m going to a conference. Love forever, choochy-face xxx.”
I wrote back “I think you’ve mailed this to the wrong person.”
A letter arrived first thing next morning by registered post. It had “This Message Was Sent With High Importance” written on the envelope. The letter read “Please delete that last piece of mail.”
I tore the first letter up and threw it in the fire, then wrote back “Done.”
His next letter was simply a blank piece of paper, on which he had drawn a smiley face.
Three days passed before a larger envelope arrived. In it was an official document. His letter read “Here is your tax return duly filled out. Please acknowledge receipt.”
I wrote back “Got it.”
He wrote “Good. Can you please sign it and return it to me.” I did this.
The next day I got his bill. I wrote “Here is your payment.” I attached a cheque.
His next letter read “Thanks.”
Three days later I got a letter from the tax office, setting out how much money I owed them. I’m really worried, because I don’t have the money to pay it.
I spent it all on stamps.