Full Steam Ahead

From donedeal.ie:

Portable Inflatable Sauna

Perfect for the New Year!

Easy to use inflatable saunas. Can be plugged into a domestic wall-socket & folds away for easy storage. Can be used by both men & women. There are great benefits from using this sauna, Burns Calories Improves Skin Reduces Stress & Fatigue Helps relieve pain Helps to ease joint pain & stiffness Removes Toxins & Mineral Waste. Just sit back and relax. We can deliver anywhere in Ireland. Price €50.


There are two reasons why I put in that the sauna is “Perfect for the New Year”. Firstly I was aiming at the Children of the Resolution, the ones who say that this is the year when they will give up cigarettes, or learn Swahili, or swim the Atlantic with dolphins.

The other is that it was on Christmas day that my wife told me to get rid of it.

That’s her in the photo on Christmas morning, smiling and not, as I assured her, looking in the least like a Dalek with its helmet off. It’s the last time she smiled all day.

I’ve copied the ad word for word from the one which I fell for when I bought it. I read that it got rid of toxins and mineral waste without asking myself where to. It turns out that they dissolve into a pile of ick at the bottom of the sauna. It says, rather oddly, that it can be used by both men and women, but apparently that’s not true, not at least if the woman has just had her legs waxed.

The main problem though is one of punctuation. I read “Burns Calories” without realizing that there should have been a full-stop after the first word. You will see that there is no steam in the picture. That’s because there’s no way for it to get out, it stays trapped in there Improving Skin, if by improvement you mean turning it orange, not in colour but in texture.

When you climb out, though, the real fun starts. There is now a you-shaped hole for the steam to escape through, and when you try to fold the sauna for easy storage this steam puffs hissingly into your face. Believe me, this does not Reduce Stress.

The sauna comes in its own little bag, but don’t bother trying to get the thing back into it, it’s like trying to stuff a pillow-case with a bouncy castle.

Already I’ve decided on the wife’s birthday present, to try and make up for this disaster. It too plugs into a domestic wall-socket and can be easily stored.

I’m buying her an iron. I’d say she’ll be thrilled.



8 thoughts on “Full Steam Ahead

    1. Tinman Post author

      Ok, the iron is just a joke, but I think the back-massager IS sweet. He thought of some problem you had, and came up with an idea for it, it shows he put in some thought.
      As much thought as any of us men can.


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