Upon My Word

Among the words that the OED has added this year are Cryonaut, Five-second rule, Gastric Band, Sexting, Tinfoil Hat, and Yuck Factor….


He was the essence of stressence as his eye ran down the list. Then he gave a long, loud humilolation, an onomatopoeic groan of humiliation and desolation.

None of the words he had submitted had made the new edition of the Dictionary.

Not Star-warrior, someone who willing to argue till death that Star Wars is better than Star Trek. Nor Spock-jock, such a person‘s deadliest foe.

Not whether-forecast, gambling on not bringing an umbrella to work. Nor screw-cut, refusing to cut your hair because you know it annoys your parents.

Not foot-soar, the feeling you get when you slip on something in a supermarket, nor bum-thrum, the annoying twinge that you feel for three days afterwards.

Not Hunger-Games-hunger, the hope that there will someday be another book in the series. Nor flatutude, farting unashamedly in public.

Not even blog-flog, keeping going with a post even though it isn’t as funny as you’d hoped it would be.

And look at the words that they’d let in. Never mind Yuck-factor, they had Yick-factor – yuck enough to make you sick. He didn’t even bother reading their definitions, he was too deprissed (pissed-off and depressed), but he assumed that a Cryonaut was someone who was afraid of space, that a Gastric Band was another name for a Wind Quartet and that the Five-second rule was something that you hoped wouldn’t happen during Sexting.

And then there was Tinfoil Hat. Seriously. A hat made of tinfoil. If they were going to include that then they might as well include paper plane, leather shoe and water lily.

He went to the pub to console himself. Half way through his Bar Extension (the three drinks after the one which you’ve decided will definitely be your last one) he decided that he didn’t care, that the OED was just a Round-Mound.

A heap of balls.

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