The Man With The Water Gun

The Tinfamily rented and watched the film Battleship this week. It’s absolutely ludicrous, and enormous fun. Anyway, it claims to be based on Hasbro Toys’ Battleship board game (which it is, just about), so I have looked up other Hasbro Toys to see what film they might make next….

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M, the head of Connect 4 (an offshoot of MI6), had learned of an evil plot.

A terrorist group called Scrabble (Some Criminals, er, Really, um…  look, they were bad people, ok?), led by the evil Yahtzee, had developed a secret weapon, the Rubik Cube, and were planning to launch it into space. From there it could wipe out entire cities with jets of Play-Doh. M had called in her best agent.

Mr Potato Head.

He went to see Q (today’s story is brought to you by the letters M and Q). He collected his weaponry – all of the instruments from Operation, a Super Soaker Lightningstorm Blaster and, for some reason, the Easy-Bake Ultimate Oven, and off he went.

Scrabble’s headquarters were on Monopoly, a tiny island full of green windowless houses and a surprising number of hotels. Potato Head disguised himself by sticking on a moustache and removing one ear, though the brilliance of this disguise was off-set by the fact that he told everyone he met “my name is Head. Potato Head”. Therefore he was soon attacked by Yahtzee’s henchman, Furby.

There followed a trivial pursuit scene in which Furby, in Chuck the Dump Truck, chased Potato Head on My Little Pony. Potato Head was saved by the arrival of the beautiful Russian agent Tonka, who blasted Furby with a Koosh Galaxy Solar Recon Ball Launcher, which sounds like it just has to hurt.

When Tonka and Potato Head got into Scrabble’s HQ he turned his Oven up to full heat (see, Q was right all along), causing an explosion which caused everything to begin to fall apart, with a female voice intoning “T-minus twenty seconds, and counting”. As the building collapsed about them Potato Head and Yahtzee fought a furious fight which ended with Yahtzee being thrown into a pit of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Potato Head and Tonka escaped just before the island erupted in a hail of top-hats, old boots and irons. Later, they were playing Twister (ok, that’s a euphemism) when a drawing of M’s head suddenly appeared on Potato Head’s Pictionary.

“Ah, there you are, Head,” she said. “Mission accomplished?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And Yahtzee?”

Mr Potato Head smiled. “Let’s just say he’s well and truly buckaroo’d.”

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