Amanda Huggenkiss

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is “a hug or a kiss”….

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The Prince leaned over the bed and kissed Sleeping Beauty on the lips. Her eyes fluttered open.

“Oh, my Sweet Prince,” she said (she knew he was a prince because he was tall, blonde and looked a lot like Freddy from Scooby Doo), “thank you, you have broken the spell of the wicked witch. How can I repay you?”

“To thee, my sweet pure lady, I beg leave to plight my eternal troth.”

“Pardon?” said Sleeping Beauty.

“Er, I thought we could go out together,” said the Prince.

“I see,” said Sleeping Beauty. “well, you have done me a great service -”

Yes, I have, thought the Prince, so why isn’t there more applause? He looked around the court.

“They’re all still asleep!” he gasped.

“Of course,” said Sleeping Beauty, “they were all placed under a spell too.”

“But I thought that when I broke the spell for you it would break it for everyone,” said the Prince.

“Based, I suppose, on the ‘if-you-squeeze-one-blackhead-it-will-cure-all-your-zits’ theory?”

“Nice analogy,” said the Prince, “but what do I do now?”

“There’s nothing for it,” said Sleeping Beauty, “you’ll have to kiss all of them.”

“All of them?” said the Prince. “Even that old boot in the corner?”

“That’s my mother,” said Sleeping Beauty icily.

“Er, sorry,” said the Prince. He looked around the room. Some of the sleepers were pretty, some not so much. Some were men. One was a knight with his visor pulled down. One was the royal cat.

None of them had cleaned their teeth for over a hundred years.

The Prince took a deep breath, and plunged in.

Being a Princess, Sleeping Beauty had been trained from birth to be courteous should she suddenly find herself kissed awake, as falling under evil spells is pretty much part of the job. The others were not so well prepared, and suddenly jolting awake to find a stranger’s face backing away from them provoked a variety of reactions. Some screamed. Some slapped his face. The knight recoiled so quickly that his visor fell back down, pinching the Prince’s nose. The cat scratched his cheek.

Sleeping Beauty’s mother winked at him and, as he bent over the next person, squeezed his bum.

He yelped and fell on top of the sleeper, his arms going around her to prevent her hitting the floor. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

He turned to Sleeping Beauty in surprise. “Oh, it works if you just hug them instead,” she said.

“Why didn’t you mention that before?”

“Because you said you said you wanted someone sweet and pure. Well, I’m sure you’ve heard we princesses have to attend many balls, though you probably thought that meant we went to a lot of dances. I may not be quite as pure as you’d hoped.

“However,” she continued, “you’ve just kissed eighty-two women, sixty-seven men and a cat.”

She took his hand and smiled. “I think I’m pure enough for you now.”

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8 thoughts on “Amanda Huggenkiss

  1. Patti

    *sigh* Just the way my mother used to tell the tale. I wonder if the Disney version would have retained a G rating if it had used this version.

    Reply

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