I have a wireless keyboard and mouse that I use when I’m working on the ancient, steam-powered laptop that I use at home. The mouse is like a little puppy (a sentence you don’t often see very often), faithfully following my every command. If I threw a stick into the sea I’m sure it would have a go at getting it back, or at least click on the email address of the Lifeboat Service.
The keyboard is more like a pet cat. It does what it wants to, when it wants to. I occasionally look up from it (yes, I have to look at the keyboard when I’m typing, I’m not like one of those people who can look up and talk to you while their fingers are still working away, or one of those smug git pianists who can roll their head and close their eyes soulfully while playing) and find that it has left out some letters altogether, or has provided (it just typed “prvded” there) a torrent of others.
I came here this morning wanting to look at emails, so I typed “live.ie” into Google, so that it could Sat-Nav me to the correct starting point. The keyboard had plans of its own (as most cats do) and when I looked it had typed three “l”s, a “v” and thirty-eight “e”s into Google’s search box.
Now I’d have thought that when asked to search for “lllveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” (astonishingly, Spellcheck just drew a squiggly red line under that) Google would either have told me to get stuffed or would have blown up. I should have had more faith in the thousands of staff who work there, frantically looking up encyclopedias, thesauruses and Wikipedia so that they can come up with an answer in half a second:
Google does admit that it could not find an exact match, but it has provided a list of possible alternatives. While this is a tiny bit like a shop assistant telling you that they don’t have this jacket in your size but they do have one three sizes larger in a different colour and would you like to take that instead, you have to admire their dogged refusal to be defeated.
Meanwhile I have more Es than a beekeeper (a melee of beekeepers in a teepee, in fact).
I might throw a Rave.