Chateau du Gateau

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is “let them eat cake”…..

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“No bread?” asked Marie-Antoinette.

“No, Madame,” said Madeleine, her maid. “Pas de pain.”

“Then let them eat cake,” said Marie, a woman with a name far too long to type throughout an entire story.

There was an embarrassed silence in the Court of Versailles. Eventually Madeleine spoke again.

“They have no cake either, Madame,” she mumbled.

“Why?” asked Marie. “Have they eaten it all?”

“No, Madame,” said Madeleine, to whom a career move was beginning to look like a very good idea. “They cannot afford it.”

“Seriously?” asked Marie. “The patisseries must be raking in the dough.” She waited for a second for the laugh, and when none came she carried on. “Mais how can this be? We are the home of cake – meringues, éclairs, soufflés, profiteroles … ”

“… Swiss roll,” said Madeleine, before she could stop herself.

The Queen gave her a withering look.

“The people are very poor, Madame,” continued the maid bravely. “They are reduced to eating horse and snails. Some even eat the legs of frogs.”

“Really? What happens to the rest of the frog?”

“Green Chartreuse,” said the maid. “Twenty frogs and a liquidiser, and Bob’s ton oncle.”

“Mon Dieu,” said Marie. “What does it taste like?”

“Like liquidised frog,” admitted Madeleine.

“My poor subjects,” declared Marie. “We must help them. We shall get Petitfours, the royal baker, to hand out cakes to the people. I shall be their – ”

“Queen of Tarts?” suggested Madeleine.

To her surprise the Queen blushed. “There’s no truth in those rumours,” she snapped. “I did not sleep my way up to this job.” Which is true, she thought to herself, there was very little sleeping involved.

“Er, I meant Queen of Hearts,” said Madeleine.

“Indeed,” said Marie. “I will be like that Queen in the Alice story. What was it her catchphrase was?”

From outside there came a growing noise, like a mob approaching.

“I remember!” said the Queen. “It was “off with her head!”.

Madeleine looked out of the window and sighed deeply. “Ain’t that la vérité,” she muttered.