Face to Face

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is “illusion”…


It is widely believed that Janus, the two-faced God of Beginnings and Transitions, was male.

In fact she was female. One of her faces was that of an old lady. The other was of a girl so beautiful that she can be shown only from one angle, as her beauty is said to drive mortal men mad.

She had been banished to earth by Zeus after he tried his standard chat-up line (“sleep with me or I’ll turn you into a vole”) on her pretty face and she replied by showing him the other one, causing him to yelp aloud in a most ungodly way. The other gods, upon hearing the shriek, reckoned that he had accidentally tried to seduce a male, in a Crying Game kind of way, and that is how the misconception began.

Janus found it tough on earth, as two-faced people tend to do, constantly having to hide one face from the world. She took to wearing her a long blonde wig over her aged face while working part-time as a pole-dancer at weekends, and to wearing a scarf over her pretty face while collecting her old-age pension on Thursdays. In this way she made ends meet.

She was walking along the street one day when her blonde wig slipped to the back of her head, like a man with a comb-over on a windy day, and a photographer who was simply taking a picture of the building behind her ended up with this picture:



 No-one realised, of course, that it really was a girl with two faces, it was assumed simply to be a fortuitous optical illusion, and for years it appeared as such in magazines accompanying articles with titles like “Are You Left, Right or Pea Brained?”.

The emergence of SOPA and PIPA, though, meant that the image could no longer be used. This was a godsend to this particular god. She changed the spelling of her name to Janice, gathered up her courage and presented herself to the world via the well-known TV programme “Britain’s Got Really Weird Shit”.

She is now a household name and extremely rich, as every publisher with a self-help book about changing one’s perspective gets her to pose for the above photograph.

They often get her cousins, the Gemini twins, to pose as well, for this picture:



though they are less successful as the photo-shoots take much longer, since it’s very difficult to balance the vase between their faces and it keeps slipping.

The three of them are also very close to, and provide financial support to, their other earth-bound cousin.

Mirage, the God of Puddles Appearing On Roads In Bright Sunshine, gets very little work at all.


3 thoughts on “Face to Face

  1. Ruth

    Wonderful, what a fun read! Love the twist you put on things: Zeus (“sleep with me or I’ll turn you into a vole”); the Crying Game (er, that would be a misconception)… “Are You Left, Right or Pea Brained?” ;). I was reminded while reading of a Janice I used to know, and lo and behold… that’s her, that’s her!


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