As part of the ongoing talent that the Tinkids are showing in the Art of Science, if there is such a phrase, Tinson2 and two friends recently won a Chemistry competition at school, not, as we thought (he doesn’t say a lot) among their classmates, but among every Second Level School in County Wicklow.
Their reward for this was spending last week getting Work Experience in the laboratory of the cosmetics company Oriflame. We suggested to him that since their products are not tested on animals (though imagine the blogging scoop I’d have had if he had come home and told us that he had spent the day sweeping out hamster cages), they might be tested on him, but instead he was set to work making the kind of stuff that women everywhere believe makes them more beautiful (men can‘t talk, we don‘t shave for three days and instead of calling the result “scruffy“, which it is, we call it “designer stubble“ and persuade ourselves that we look like Colin Farrell).
On the first day he loaded mascara into one-kilogram jars. I’m not an expert on mascara, but I reckon that one kilogram would make a woman look like a panda and a panda look like a black hole.
On the second day he loaded lipstick cases. This involved placing the cases on a little conveyor belt below which was an solid brick of lipstick, which would be fired at high pressure up into the cases. If a case wasn’t in exactly the right position the jet-propelled lipstick would simply sweep it aside and splat itself against the ceiling, which Tinson2 reported was completely red from such incidents.
On the third day he made a Body Cream called Aloe and Water Melon. There are several possible remarks about melons in my head at this moment, but as a blogger with an almost exclusively female readership I have decided that it is better if they remain there.
He spent day four in the Stability Chambers, where the products are tested at different temperatures because of the varying conditions in warehouses throughout the world.
Tinson1, doing physics at university, is now into his 3rd year wearing a lab coat and goggles and hasn’t brought us home so much as a phial of radioactivity. Tinson2 at the end of his week brought home lipsticks, toners and eyeliners (no, he was given them, it wasn’t like the way
we one would empty a hotel bathroom). He also brought home two bottles of the result of Friday’s work, an aftershave which is currently being tested and for which he was permitted to choose the colours.
If ever you see Eau de Fils-Etain Deux in the shops, you’ll know who invented it.