First Among Equals

Instead of a weekend theme this week Sidey set us a challenge to create a unique award specifically for one blogger. Since it’s hard to single out one of my blogmates I’ve decided to go back to the original. If the definition of a blog is a diary kept on a computer then my award for World’s First Blogger goes to Captain James T. Kirk….

*****************************************************************************************************************

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 0811.91: Spock performs a mind-meld on me so that he can read suppressed memories of an encounter I had with the Romulans. Since this works both ways I have learned that he likes to wear women’s underwear and sing along to Barbra Streisand records.

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 1010.11: Considering how much empty uninhabited space there must be in space how the hell do we meet some alien life-force trying to kill us every twenty minutes?

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 1307.85: WordPress asks what is my middle name and do I like it. My middle name is Tiberius, what do you think?

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 1312.57: Since I have never seen anything resembling a clock anywhere on the Enterprise, I am basically making these Star Dates up as I go along.

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 1313.13: We are attacked by the Superstitians, a race consisting entirely of rabbit’s feet. We defeat them by putting up a ladder on the hull of the Enterprise, which they are afraid to walk under.

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 1909.33: Scotty tells us that his computer reports that the warp drive is overheating. I haven’t the heart to tell him that we got pissed off listening to him ages ago, and that his computer is not in fact connected to anything.

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 2303.78: I manipulate the Transporter Pad so that Lt Uhura’s clothes are beamed to her quarters while she is beamed to mine. This is an attempt to boldly go where no man has gone before since, although she is incredibly beautiful and has legs the length of the Milky Way, no-one has even seen her with a bloke.

Captain’s Blog Supplemental: Lt Uhura proved that she is indeed fluent in 32 inter-galactic languages, including Klingon, Cardassian and Mysterious-Ball-Of-Energy by telling me to get stuffed in all 32 of them. She phasered me so hard (unfortunately that’s not a euphemism) that Bones had to fix two of my teeth (or perhaps Teeth had to fix two of my bones, I still haven’t fully come round).

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 2304.95: A red-letter day! Spock, Bones, myself and a crew member no-one’s ever seen before beam down to a planet and the crew member survives!

Captain’s Blog, Star Date 3011.96: Our five-year mission is over, but Starfleet inform us that we can’t return to earth since the design of the Enterprise means that we would topple over upon landing.