Blue Review

WordPress suggests that we write a review of a film that we have recently seen or a product that we have recently used. Unfortunately I have not been to the cinema for about 18 months, so….


The biro is a method of recording words on paper for people too Amish to be able to use a computer. It is essentially word processing at its most basic, in that it faithfully reproduces the words that you want to say, but lacks a backspace or delete button should you suddenly wish to unsay them.

Less fun than this

The model that we test-drove was the Blue Bic biro. It lacks the elegance of the Parker fountain pen, the versatility of that one with loads of colours available via a set of buttons on the end, or the fun of the novelty one where the lady’s clothes fall off when you tilt the pen over. It is, however, at least true to its name in that it does write in blue, which is more than can be said for, say, the Mars bar, which as far as we know does not come from Mars.

It is simplicity itself to use. It is activated by removing (and then losing) a blue plastic cap, and then applying the pointy end to a piece of paper or, if you are the kind of person who forgets stuff (like where you left the biro cap) to the back of your hand.

Many people believe that writing is its only function, but in fact it has many uses. The blunt end can help remove ear-wax. Trapping it lengthways between your upper lip and your nose produces a hilarious impression of a moustache. The pointy end can spear a Rolo that has fallen into an awkward place under your desk (yes, of course you can still eat the Rolo, it’s just covered in a bit of fluff and injected with blue ink).

And the biro can issue subtle messages without actually writing anything down. Sucking it whilst staring out the window lets your boss know that you are thinking. Wearing it behind one ear tells your boss that while you are not actually doing any work at this exact moment, work has happened and will shortly re-commence. Wearing a row of them in the lapel pocket of your jacket tells the world that you have no fashion sense.

If we have to find any fault with it, it is worth pointing out that it is indistinguishable from all other biros, so that people who borrow it from your desk will often walk off with it. As against that, it is simple enough to then walk away with a similar one from someone else’s. It is also occasionally susceptible to the bironic equivalent of a nosebleed, and will cover your shirt (or your tongue and lips, if you’re sucking it thoughtfully as described above) with a dense blue ink that is impossible to wash off.

And finally, the only optional extra that we could find for it was a toy troll, and it has to be said that what happens to the troll will make your eyes water.


9 thoughts on “Blue Review

  1. viv blake

    Like and triple like: I am a klepto-biro-maniac. Once upon a time I was groaning under the weight of my handbag, and tipped it out to see what was what. 18 biros fell out. I had been running the press office at an exhibition at the NEC, and complained every morning when I had to put out more pens “these journos are such thieves”!

    1. Tinman Post author

      It happens in our very house, Viv. While I was clearing out my desk for the move to our new office I found a packet of five “New York Mets” biros that I bought over there last year. I brought them home, just two weeks ago, and I have only one left.

  2. Tinman Post author

    Thanks, Nancy. I’m hoping Bic will read this and send me stuff, like a box of biros that I can lose one by one down the side of the couch.

      1. Tinman Post author

        Yes, in fairness the Maltesers company do owe you big time by now.

        (I’ve just Googled Maltesers to see if you make the front page yet, which you don’t, but one of their “possibly related topics” is ‘Maltesers Bunny’).

        You should totally go for that job.

  3. Janie Jones

    Lol. I’ll never look at a plain blue Bic pen the same way again. Excuse me now, I have to go spear a Rolo that rolled under the desk before the dog gets it, anyone have a blue Bic I can borrow?

  4. Grannymar

    At one point I was an avid user of the Blue Bic biro. Then official forms required you to use a Black Biro when filling them in. Nowadays I prefer the Rollerball type of pen, it makes my handwriting a little easier to read.


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