Do I think I’d make a good president/prime minister?
Oh, you want reasons?
I’m the president, I don’t have to give reasons.
But because I am a benevolent president I will offer some.
- I don’t rush into things. You can tell this by the fact that this topic was mooted by WordPress seven suggestions ago.
- The president usually lives in a house provided by the state. I grew up in a council house, so I know how that feels.
- I wouldn’t have a clue what I was doing, which seems to be one of the main requirements for the job, in any given country.
- Carla Bruni seems to go for guys my height.
- I own my own dinner jacket for attending state dinners, though I don’t know where the trousers are (since I’m married my wife is probably wearing them).
- I would be “tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime”. Since the causes of crime are criminals that sentence is essentially tautology.
- People wouldn’t have to bother looking for my Irish roots, since I’m Irish.
- Ruby Tuesday would be a Bank Holiday.
- Oh, I would make bankers work on Bank Holidays.
- I would change Ireland’s National Anthem to the Rolling Stones song “Angie“, partly to suck up to Germany’s Angela Merkel, and partly because the song says “with no money in our coats, you can’t say we’re satisfied”.
- I would refuse to embrace cronyism and nepotism, though Tinson2, who has done Home Economics, would be Minister for Agriculture and Food.
- My campaign slogan would be “Yes, Tin can.” How could I lose?