HR Puff and Stuff

The title will baffle all but a few of my readers (and they are few enough to begin with), but this is a post about work.

I really like the company I work for, but parts of the way that it’s run are just plain nuts, with many of the ideas based on practices carried out in the bigger corporations around the world, despite the fact that many of these corporations have been proven over the last few years to have been built on foundations of sand.

We don’t yet have a corporate song that we all gather and sing each morning, but it can only be a matter of time (and to my shame, if they have a competition to write it and offer a prize I’m going to have a go).

One of the things we do have is called the “Quarterly Rhythm”. This means that we have quarterly goals, a quarterly staff survey, a quarterly staff briefing, get assessed quarterly by our managers, get assessed quarterly by our peers (!), and a possible quarterly “profit share” payment if the company has done well.

We all have to do a quarterly self-assessment, by far the most hateful of our company’s procedures – as A Frend commented when I mentioned this here before, self-assessment was used by Chairman Mao during the Cultural Revolution.

And we have a quarterly theme, a scheme which means we try to improve some particular thing in the company for three months and then forget about it totally in order to concentrate on the next theme.

Because we have so many new people joining at the moment this quarter’s theme is “Making Connections”, as part of which we all have to try to get to know each other a bit better. We’re supposed to say hello as we pass each other, introduce ourselves to new people (I’ve tried it, it usually turns out that they’ve worked here for a year and get quite offended, but all young people look the same to me), stuff like that.

To egg us on HR have put little posters up around the office. There is this really cool “Come Together one:

..though of course the guy on the left should really have his guitar the other way round (right, Patti?).

One just has a picture of a post-it with “hello” written on it, but it‘s not in a part of the office where I can take a picture of it without being seen, and I don‘t want a reputation as a looner (says the guy who spent six weeks at work with his hair dyed blue). My personal favourite is this one:

It’s in the kitchen area, and one lunchtime while just GoldenEyes and were eating there I got up and stood in that pose for about a minute or so. The area is U shaped, open at one end.

One of the sales guys appeared from the left, glancing in briefly as he sped by to wherever it is that sales people go. He vanished stage right, then we heard his footsteps stop, and in classic sit-com fashion his head appeared back into view, followed by the rest of him walking backwards. He stared at me, I nodded up toward the poster, he shook his head and carried on.

I think I made a connection.


7 thoughts on “HR Puff and Stuff

  1. Patti

    Quarterly assessments?! How dreadful! And yes, that wrong-way-round guitar amounts to a serious credibility issue.

    Delightful image of you standing in the penguin pose just as someone walks by. Again, however, one wonders if the maker of the poster ever watched the Madagascar Penguins in action – they’re complete loons.


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