Now and Forever

WordPress recently asked something like What would you do if you knew you were going to live forever?

  • Cancel my life insurance policies.
  • No, keep them, and fake my death. If it works I’ll get money, if I get caught I’ll get ten years in jail, where I could learn new skills like carpentry and mailbag-sewing.
  • Keep all my old clothes. Elephant flares will be back you know, probably seven or eight hundred times.
  • Fancy Grannymar even more than I do now (we‘ve danced together, you know, it‘s on the internet).
  • Get rid of my TV. An eternity of watching re-runs of Friends would feel like an eternity.
  • Keep drinking, and maybe even take up smoking again. Why not?
  • Hope that the possible side-effect of the Molly Paxon drug mentioned eight or nine posts ago doesn’t actually manifest itself. There are permanent erections, and then there are permanent erections.
  • Buy a first edition of some book that comes out this weekend. It’ll be worth a million quid at some time in the future.
  • Tell Chuck Norris he’s a wuss, knowing he can’t kill me (I would run after I’d said it though, he could still hurt me very badly).
  • Change my definition of “young person” to anyone under the age of 874.
  • Panic at how I’m going to keep thinking of blogpost topics (I could of course, re-cycle them every hundred years or so).
  • Invent a program to cure the Y3K bug (yes, I’m shite at computers, but I‘ll have taken a course while in jail).
  • Turn up at time capsule openings to help explain the contents. “It was called a microwave, yes, you put food in it and bombarded it with radiation, I know, daft, wasn’t it.”
  • Given that the average height of a human increases by three inches every hundred years, learn to accept the fact that one day I’ll be shorter than two-year-olds.
  • Angrily calculate how much tax I’ll pay in all that time, and then balance that by working out how much it will cost the state to change my pacemaker battery every eight years forever.
  • Buy the box-set of Lost. Then throw it away. It’d be something to do.
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6 thoughts on “Now and Forever

  1. speccy

    So you didn’t like Lost then?

    Did you see The shadowline recently? A crime drama about pensions, very good. You should watch it, because ytou’ll need that pension for a very long time.

    Reply
  2. Tinman Post author

    I watched half an episode of Lost with Tinson1 once, Speccy.
    I said at one point “where did the baby come from?”
    “It’s a flashback,” said Tinson1.

    After a few minutes I spoke again.

    “Why don’t they escape on that jet that you can see out the window?”
    “It’s a flashback!” yelled Tinson1, “go to the pub!”

    So I did.

    Reply
  3. Tinman Post author

    Grannymar!!! That’s possibly one of the rudest comments I’ve ever received here!

    I hope you’re very pleased with yourself 🙂

    Reply
  4. Patti

    *smile* (and *blush* after Grannymar’s comment)

    Laughing to think of elephant flares coming back into style (were they ever *really* in style? Though, I did have a really great pair, with a light-colored denim panel set in on the side of dark-denim jeans, with a red border separating the panels. I think I miss them.) I also like the thought of you having to come up with a blogpost every day forever!

    Reply

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