Turned You Into Someone New

I have two spam comments this week from one of my most frequent and entertaining spammers, businessdailyreview.com. The first is from a guy whose email address reveals his name to be Drew. His comment, on a post about Windows7 taking four hours to run updates, was “I know my fellow Boomers are not going to like this but I see no other way”. As a fellow Boomer could I perhaps suggest the invention of Windows8.

The second is from a girl called Miranda, commenting on my recent post about the cocktail class I went to:

……..Get a Job as a Cocktail Waitress ……………….Working as a cocktail waitress can be fun and you have potential to earn great tips in addition to your hourly pay. Many cocktail serving are available at any given time but employers look for certain qualities which give you the edge over other applicants…………….

It is quite a clever spam as it entices you to look up their website to read on, if only to discover what edge-giving qualities they refer to (I’m guessing they have very little to do with a Classical Education and a great deal to do with the length of your legs).

Since gender precludes me from being a waitress of any sort, cocktail or not, then at first glance it appears that Miranda is barking up the wrong blog.

But maybe not. Perhaps the people at businessdailyreview.com have discovered a business opportunity and have held an emergency staff meeting….

“Our clients need cocktail waitresses,” snaps the boss, “Lots of them. Where will we get them?”

“We could try beautifulpeople.com.,” suggests Windows-loving Drew.

“Ridiculous. You couldn‘t put them anywhere with a mirrored ball in the ceiling, they‘d get a crick in the neck looking up at themselves.”

“How about cocktailwaitresses.com ?” says Drew.

“No such place, I’ve looked,” snaps the boss (there really isn’t, I’ve just checked, this blog is nothing if not thoroughly researched).

There is silence for a while, then quiet, timid secretary Miranda (who, if she takes off her glasses, opens her pony-tail and flicks out her hair, suddenly becomes stunning, I’ve seen this happen in ads) shyly says “I know where you can find a lot of really hot women” (sorry, I’ve just made it sound as if she cruises gay bars, that’s not what I meant).

“Where?” snaps her boss (don’t blame me, that’s the way he talks).

“Tinman’s blog,” says Miranda.

“Huh, Tinman sounds like a bloke to me,” snorts Drew, jealously determined to find some rain to dump on Miranda’s parade.

“I don’t mean him,” says Miranda, “I mean his readers.”

“Quick,” snaps the boss, “to the internet!”

They all gather around a computer, dredge up Tinman’s blog, skip through the posts and go straight to the comments.

“You’re right, Miranda, they do seem like a very sassy bunch of girls,” snaps the boss. “See if you can sneak a comment onto this Tinman’s blog. And by the way, you look very fetching with your hair like that.”

So there you are, ladies. If working as a waitress in a cocktail bar has been your life’s ambition ever since you first heard the Human League song then you know where to go for information.

After all, the work can apparently be fun, and there are many cocktail serving at any time.


5 thoughts on “Turned You Into Someone New

  1. speccy

    but, 5 years on? Will I have the world at my feet? Will success have been too easy for me? Where do I sign up again?

  2. Patti

    Perfect! That will fit right in with my retirement plans – we’ve been thinking about running a bed and breakfast – we’ll just have to make sure it has a cocktail bar.


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