When I listed ten things to do this summer recently I should have had a Number 11,”dig out sock-hat and gloves.” The maximum temperature here all week has been twelve degrees, and tonight and tomorrow night it is to fall to one degree.
It seems that a flow of polar air is sweeping down from, well, the Pole onto Ireland and this is causing the current cold conditions. These air flows move in big anti-clockwise circles (you’re right, I didn’t do Geography at school) and we’re apparently at the very left-hand side of the circle, so we’re getting the downwind, if you like. The flow then passes us, turns and heads through Spain and then travels upwards carrying warm air, sangria and souvenir sombrero-wearing donkeys, and as a result the whole of the rest of North Western Europe is experiencing a heatwave.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
The temperature in Lapland yesterday was 30 degrees Celsius, or 86 degrees fahrenheit.
Santa must be pretty warm inside that suit.
He probably doesn’t have any other clothes. He spends 364 days a year in a country known only for being cold and for being where Lapdancers come from (did I mention that I didn’t do Geography?), and the one other day travelling at high speed and higher altitude in an open-topped sleigh, on a flight path arranged so that he is always just behind the sun, keeping it night-time wherever he is. Warm clothing is all he has ever needed, so it’s unlikely that he has t-shirts, Bermuda shorts or flip-flops. He does not own sunglasses.
I bet he doesn’t have any swimwear either, which is a shame because if his castle really is made of ice he might have got the chance to swim in his own living room, using an ironing-board propped above the door as a diving board.
He probably has no cold drinks and no fridge to get ice from (never needed it before, considering what his front garden was made of). He has no sun lounger, no beach umbrella, no Jeffrey Archer novels.
He won’t have any sunscreen either. Rudolf’s not going to be the only one with the red nose.