WordPress suggests I Make a top ten list of things to do this summer.
- Remember that it is not summer where all my blogfriends live. JMG in Oz and Laughykate in NZ are just entering their winter.
- Try not to chuckle.
- Find the house of the person who gets two minutes of media time every year telling us that this year will be a scorcher because of the behaviour of the frogs in his garden, and stamp on his frogs (a phrase which I’ve have just Googled, no-one has ever used it before).
- For the rare sunny days that we do get, re-discover by trial and error which is the only one of the many sunscreens in the house that I’m not allergic to, reckoning that I can’t possibly be as unlucky as last year, where it was the fifth one I tried.
- When I find the right one, at the seventh attempt, have the name tattooed on my arm so that I don’t have to apply the empirical method again next year.
- Grit my teeth when asked at work have I any holidays planned and resist the urge to say no, it was pay for a holiday or feed our children and we have opted for the latter. I get saintly brownie points if I then ask them have they any plans and listen politely to ten minutes of crap about how they’re going to Sicily, paid 24 euro online and it’s 29 degrees there there at the moment.
- If, however, they say “ah, you’re having a Staycation!” I am allowing myself the luxury of beating them repeatedly over the head with a rolled-up holiday brochure.
- Ignore all the Mickey Mouse four-team soccer tournaments that Sky Sports insist on foisting upon us during July and August. This is not football, it is methadone for soccer addicts.
- On June 21st, when my Dad says “well, this is the longest day, it’s all downhill to winter now“, just smile and put down the rolled-up holiday brochure.
- Realise all too soon that the time for JMG and Laughykate to chuckle back is nearly upon us.