It’s Not the End of the World

Today’s WordPress prompt is:

Forget 2012, when do you think the world will end?

Er, I don’t know.

It’s a question that you can’t possibly answer accurately. Neither do I know where does the time go to, what all those keys in the kitchen drawer are for (we only have a front and a back door), or why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near (perhaps you have birdseed in your pocket).

I’m going to say October 4th, 4327.

(Since this blog will stay on the internet pretty well forever, you can bet I’ll get a whole load of Flamers on the following day pointing out how wrong I was).

So, that should be that. But hang on. What do they mean by “Forget 2012”?

Google, Goddess of Knowledge, provides the answer. There are apparently many predictions of an apocalypse, of alien invasions, of a massive solar flare, of the fact the there will be an end-of-the-world type movie called 2012 (this film does in fact exist, which is a tiny bit worrying). The main plank of the argument, which may be the origin of the expression “thick as a plank” is that a 5,000 year-long Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. This may simply mean that they ran out of paper, or that the guy doing it suddenly looked at his life and thought “bloody hell, what am I doing?” and just stopped.

If they are right though, it’s bad news for a number of people:

  • My credit card company, because they’ll never get all their money back;
  • The English paparazzi, who had planned to spend the next two years following Kate Middleton taking pictures to see if she might be pregnant, so that their might be an heir to the heir to the heir to the throne;
  • Anyone who wins a medal in the London Olympics, since they’ll be champion for a mere four months;
  • People who’ve been waiting five years for the release of the Hobbit, since they’ll have a two days to watch it;
  • Someone who wins the Lotto on Saturday December 15th;
  • Anyone hoping to get the Justin Bieber 2013 Calendar for Christmas.
  • Longtime frustrated girlfriends who ask their boyfriends to marry them on February 29th, unless they have a really quick wedding already organised.

On the bright side, at least my birthday’s the week before. I might ask for a Harley-Davidson.

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