Better Half

WordPress asks today Who would play my evil twin in the TV version of my life?

The simple answer of course is that I would. That’s what special effects people are paid for, to put both of me on screen at the same time and make it look believeable. We should be able to chat together, to get a girl to do a double-take when she’s with one of me and the other one walks in (that’s why it’s called a double-take), to link arms in a rousing sing-song, to hug our dad at the same time, to fight with swords upon a dangerous rope-bridge.

One of us should be able to speak while the other drinks a glass of water.

The deeper, more considered, more disturbed answer is Who says it’s not me that’s the evil twin?

Perhaps somewhere there’s another Tinman, Namnit lets call him, who is everything I am not. He dresses exactly like me, because twins do that just to piss off the whole world, but that is his only flaw. Namnit can cook, service his own car and watch documentaries without falling asleep. He has a toolbox the size of a cupboard with which he builds cupboards the size of ships. He goes to the gym, eats six a day (he is partial to wortleberries and that gets him extra points, just as it would in Scrabble) and runs the Dublin City Marathon. He can lift one leg over his head in yoga, and in other pursuits besides.

Namnit’s local is also the opposite of mine (for a start, it has a carpet), but he rarely has more than one drink there, a chilled white wine. He prefers to go to poetry readings, improvised theatre and exhibitions of ceramic pottery.

Namnit owns his own dress suit. He is on the board of five charities, and donates anonymously to seven others. He sees the best in everyone and helps to bring that out. To steal Lee Child’s phrase about his character Jack Reacher: men want to be him, women want to be with him.

Namnit would never steal anyone’s phrase. He too has a blog (and is on Facebook and Twitter, where he has four thousand followers), but his blog is a useful daily dose of spiritual encouragement and practical advice. He uses it to promote meditation, a greener planet, fairtrade products and less slagging of gingers (since we are not ginger this is a typically selfless act).

He does not have a pacemaker. His heart is too good for anything to ever go wrong with it.

I hope I never meet him. He sounds like a right git.


7 thoughts on “Better Half

  1. Rose

    I was reading your blog and noticed the time stamp is February 2nd. One brother’s birthday is February 2nd. He gets his panties in a budge if his siblings (especially me, his only sister) forget his birthday because he never forgets our birthdays. I can’t help it if he has a mind like an elephant! So I stopped reading and rushed to phone and say happy birthday. He said, “You usually forget but this year you’re early” We argued about what day it is. I’ve lost track of time being locked in this deep freeze. When it gets this cold down here in Louisiana we go kind of nuts and start talking Nostradamus, apocalypse, end times and what we’re going to eat next! I was just positive that it is February 2nd. I had to ring him back to say, “Well it is in Ireland!!!!” My brother is a year and 5 months younger than me. So on his birthday (in number) he is a year younger than I am. My mother use to call me his evil twin. To this day she hasn’t figured out I’m the good one. Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

  2. Tinman Post author

    Namnit seems to be quite popular with my lady commenters (except you LK, but I suspect you’re the evil twin in your family too),which makes him even more annoying.

    Ring your brother now, Rose, wish him happy birthday again and tell him it’s Feb 2nd again. If I had a brother born on Groundhog Day that’s what I’d do. Every year.

    I’ve read about your husband, Tilly, you’re used to perfection already.

    Don’t talk to me about wind, Jo, it took me two hours and two buses to get home and I’m absolutely soaked.

    I don’t think it was Namnit you sat beside last year, Grannymar, unless you felt you wanted to be with him, in which case you should have said.

    And yes, I am going, booked the hotel today.


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