Close to My Heart

A birthday wish to part of me,
My pacemaker today is three.
I hate it still, this metal cube
That looks like I’ve a third man-boob.
(At least it means I’ll never flirt,
Because I won’t remove my shirt,
Nor will I hang round singles bars
Coz actually chicks do NOT dig scars).
My dignity I quickly lose
When I get pulled from airport queues
Because I can’t use their x-ray
(Got FIRMLY frisked at JFK).
I will not swim, or use a gym,
Lest others catch a glimpse of him
(And those of you who know me well
Will know I miss the gym – like hell).
And finally, it really smarts
When it turns on…. like nipple-farts.

And yet…

I’m free to cycle, and to drive
I’m even free to deep-sea dive
(I’d never want to, but I can
Coz I can do like any man).
I do not black-out anymore
And smack my face upon the floor.
For if I am about to fall
– Because my heart-rate’s sweet-fuck-all-
My pacemaker will fill the void
Now that I’m a part android.
So though it’s still an ugly lump,
My battery-operated pump,
Today I’ll toast it with a beer –
Without it I might not be here.

8 thoughts on “Close to My Heart

  1. Grannymar

    Free to cycle, and to drive
    Free to sing “I am alive!”
    Free to write words by the score
    to charm our harts and make us roar
    with laughter as we sing and soar
    with shouts of More. More More!

    May You Tinman, and your little tin cube have many wonderful adventures as you travel the years together.

  2. laughykate

    Hey I think your pacemaker birthday coincides with my moving cities birthday. I just celebrated a one year birthday (it was either yesterday or today, can’t quite remember).

    But you know one thing? Never knew you before it gatecrashed into your life. So without it, you wouldn’t be Tinman. So I like it.

  3. Tinman Post author

    You’re right, laughykate, without it I’d never have been Tinman, probably never would have started all of this.
    Which means I’d never have met you lot. Thanks all of you for you good wishes, it’s like having you all at the birthday party.
    And as it happens I met old friends from college last night that I hadn’t seen for a couple of years, so I got to toast it with lots of beers.

  4. Rose

    Hey Tin. I had my first anniversary December 13. Remember the sweet little lies you told me to make me feel better about having this chunk of metal in my chest? You helped me so much when I was feeling my body had been invaded by some alien being. It’s a strange thing to know that we would not live with out this thing inside us. I don’t resent it. You have helped me with that. The scar doesn’t bother me now. But you know men have it easier in every way compared to women. Who said “Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.” The pacemaker pinches me when I roll over at night. I think my boobs are in the way! At least you don’t have that problem!
    Happy Birthday to your pacemaker, keep on ticking!

  5. Tinman Post author

    They weren’t total lies, Rose, we do about feel better about it than we used to.
    I didn’t realise your pacemaker’s birthday is December 13, that’s my own real birthday.
    Oh, and sadly, I do have boobs….


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