Gone in Sixty Minutes

One of the suggested topics on the Daily Post this week was If you only had an hour to live, what would you do with those 60 minutes?

This reminds me of last year’s Irish Blog Awards. A girl called Ellen from a blog called Meetforeal was carrying out an exercise in social interaction, going from person to person asking what they would do if they found out that the world was going to end in an hour. She offered a list of five suggestions and, since I’m an honest type of bloke, I chose the option “panic and run around screaming”.

I met her again about an hour later and asked how she was getting on. “Most people are picking the ’have sex’ option”, she said.

These people are deluding themselves, or were just trying to impress a pretty girl. I know that men apparently think about sex every seven seconds, but even, er, but even…(sorry, got distracted there for a second), but even men have a sense of perspective. We’d all like to believe that we’d be supercool and philosophical in such a situation, but realistically we’d all scream like teenage girls at a Justin Bieber gig (I had to ask Tingirl who to put in there).

In the film Independence Day, when the spaceships that have been hovering in the skies for weeks finally turn on their deadly rays the people panic and run away screaming. Nowhere on the screen do you see a couple having a bit of a fondle.

Near the end of Bond movies, when the villain’s headquarters is crumbling in a series of small explosions and a feminine robotic voice is intoning “T minus twenty seconds, and counting”, 007 usually grabs the girl by the hand, but that’s as far as the physical contact goes, he’s just helping her to get out of the place as fast as they can.

In Queen’s theme song for the film Flash Gordon (“Flash!..A-ah!…Saviour.. of the Universe!”) there’s a bit where Dale Arden says “Flash, I love you, but we’ve only got fourteen hours to save the Earth!”. The next line is NOT Flash saying “Ok, Dale, will I guess we’d better get our kit off.”

Many things on this earth are supposedly aphrodisiacs, including saffron, oysters and crushed rhino horn (though not, I’m guessing, for the rhino). Impending doom is not one of them.

Have you ever used the sentence  “well, love, I‘m off to the dentist in an hour, fancy a quick one before I go?” If your answer is no, then I rest my case.

So face it, guys. If it ever happens you will indeed be going like the clappers, just not in the way you think.

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