Randm Wurdz

While trying to order tickets online as a Christmas present (can’t say for whom, the walls have ears, or at least laptops) I eventually reached that stage where you have to copy a word that’s on the screen, in order to prove that you’re not a robot.

Since I can’t imagine many robots going, say, to a Tommy Tiernan show and intoning “ha, ha, ha” at the funny bits I’m not quite sure what the point of this is, but the reason that I mention it is that the word I had to type was “shema”.

Surely that’s a real word. It simply means the mother of a baby girl, rather than a boy, in which case she’s a “hema” (if she’s just had triplets she’s a”listen-buddy-you’re-getting-the-snip-right-now-today-or I’m-doing-it-myself,-they-don’t-call-them-pruning-shears-for-nothing-you-know-ma”).

This got me thinking. Maybe all the words that appear really are real but obscure words, so in the interests of research I went back onto the website, kept hitting the refresh button (I think I may have accidentally bought 500 tickets to Bon Jovi, by the way) and came up with the following words for which I am suggesting the attached meanings.

  • Torzit . A cruel jibe, tomenting someone about their acne.
  • Prinal. A quick peek into the next urinal at your neighbour’s, er, package.
  • Bersetu. A tantrum thrown by the leading lady in a ballet.
  • Burierse. The act of falling into snow or water up to your waist.
  • Slogomic. The new economics, we work harder & harder for absolutely nothing.
  • Stizedro. Pancho Villa’s middle name.
  • Wishi. A raw fish with a wishy-washy, almost non-existent taste. Also known as sushi.
  • Ovirri. A chain of Gynecology Clinics in Finland.
  • Myinsah. An army phrase, meaning “am I doing this correctly?”. It is believed to have originated during the desert campaign in WW11, when men were men and women were miles away.
  • Spleje. That white splotch that’s left across your windscreen after you’ve hit a fly.
  • HELYSG. An adverting slogan in a campaign for vegetables that was never used. The letters stood for “Hey, Eat Lettuce, You’ll Shit Green!”
  • Holdp. A bizarre armed robbery in which the only thing stolen is a letter “U”.

And finally, Barmium. A new type of drug they’ve put Tinman on which both calms him and makes him come up with rubbish like this.


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