I am off work today and tomorrow. Normally this would be an occasion for glee, but not this time, because of the reason.
I have just come back from the dentist, where I have had two teeth taken out.
They are not, despite the post title, my two front teeth. They are around the side, quite near the back, but if I smile and lift my head to a certain point, and if you happen for some reason to be staring into my mouth rather than my eyes, and if you have really good eyesight, then there is a small chance that you will see the gap, and that’s a big enough blow to my vanity to cause me to skulk at home for the two days. I am hiding from my workmates, and this evening I am going to hide from the Tinkids by fleeing to the pub, where I will be in the company of other old men who have more fingers than teeth.
For the Tinface is a thing of beauty, and this blemish is the worst thing to happen to the world of aesthetics since Venus de Milo’s arms dropped off.
Of course all will end well. Just as the Wizard of Oz itself has recently been digitally remastered (I think that means they’ve re-coloured it in using finger-paints) the Tinface too will be quickly restored. Even as I type tooth fairies are constructing a bridge to, well, bridge the gap and tomorrow afternoon it will be fitted and I will again have a face that makes George Clooney look like Walter Matthau.
But that’s tomorrow. Today I’m just sitting here feeling miserable.
And thucking thoup through a thraw.