As part of my medical assessment by TILDA (or HOTDOG, as we here know them) they did a cholesterol test, and they have sent me the results.
The score was high – not screamingly high, but enough that I should do something about it.
The helpful leaflet they sent with the results suggests that I “consider appropriate lifestyle changes, such as stopping smoking, reducing salt intake and going some days without any alcohol”.
The problem is that I don’t smoke, I put salt on nothing and, despite the number of times that I mention my local here, I don’t ever drink on any day when I’ve work the following morning (not, I must admit, out of any great work ethic, simply because I sleep so badly if I drink and know I have to get up early that it just isn’t worth it).
So I’ll have to follow their other recommendations, most of which seem to involve eating “oily fish”.
That scary phrase shows how hard it is to keep to a healthy diet. Combine the adjective “oily” with any other noun – person, hair, Formula 1 Racetrack – and the result is not good. With fish, however, oily is best, having the same good-for-you effect as cod-liver oil, while unfortunately having much of the taste and smell of cod-liver oil.
I’ve had to look up which fish count as oily, and have met for the first time words such as katla, orange roughy and pangas. I have a feeling the TILDA people who complied the leaflet have never seen what passes as a fish counter in our local Tesco, where all they know about fish is that they have fingers.
Oh, I’m not supposed to eat fatty meats, by the way. In other words, HOTDOG is forbidding me hotdogs.