Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

Mattel are bringing out a new range of Barbies in time for the Christmas market.

  • Athlone Barbie: comes with a rainmac and a set of sandbags. You put Barbie, in her box, in the bath, pile the sandbags around and then turn on the water. You then wait to see how long it takes her to be flooded out. As an optional extra you can buy a Brian Cowen doll, who stands in his wellies at the side of the bath for a few minutes, and then fecks off before he gets wet.
  • Italian Barbie: they come in a set of three, who all end up spending the night in Silvio Berlusconi’s house.
  • Negative Equity Barbie: she cost you €39.99, but is now worth only €15.25, so you can’t sell her, or trade her in. Many people who own this model simply post her back through the door of the toy-shop, and then emigrate.
  • Madonna Barbie: buy this model and a small African Barbie will be delivered to your house every two years.
  • Cosmetic Surgery Barbie: has ridiculously upright plastic boobs. Oh sorry, that’s all Barbies.
  • Garmin Barbie: comes with a built-in Sat-Nav, so she can tell you where to go and what to do. Parents are recommended to buy this model for their young sons, to give them an idea of what married life is like (note to Mrs Tin – this is a JOKE).
  • The Tiger Barbie Box-set: a set of ten Barbies, in a variety of outfits from waitress to poledancer. Also includes Elin Woods Barbie, who comes with her own three-iron. Hang on to her, because she’ll shortly be worth an awful lot of money.
  • Dorian Gray Barbie: has a face that never ages, but in her attic she has a portrait with a face that, well, never ages.  

2 thoughts on “Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

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