From Saturdays’ Irish Times:
As if Fianna Fáil general secretary Seán Dorgan hasn’t enough to contend with at the moment, a bogus letter supposedly signed by him has being doing the rounds of websites in the last couple of days. Written on party-headed notepaper, it appears to convey instructions to party workers on how to deal with difficulties faced when canvassing.
Seán Dorgan received a copy of the letter yesterday morning. “It’s not genuine. Clearly, it’s my signature, but nothing else. This is juvenile politics and nothing else. It’s a complete and utter fake and forgery.”
Here, however, are the instructions that he really did send out.
1. Tippex out the words “Fianna Fáil” on your leaflets.
2. When the voter opens the door, don’t infuriate him by telling him straight out you’re from Fianna Fáil. Tell him you’re a Jehovah’s Witness.
3. If he rails against the bankers, nod sadly and say “I know, they’re fuckers”.
4. Blame everything on the Progressive Democrats – after all, they’re gone now.
5. If he says he has lost his job, don’t say “yes, but more importantly, if you don’t vote for me, I’ll lose mine too”.
6. Any instruction to “shove your leaflets up your hole” should not be followed literally.
7. If he tries to blame Fianna Fáil for banjaxing the economy, say “you’re right, and as our punishment you should keep voting us back in until we fix it”. This logic is so daft that it might actually work.
8. Keep a car running outside the gate.