Google Ogling

Holemaster made a comment on my Christmas day post (yes, I know it’s only two posts ago and doesn’t need a link, but I’ve only just figured out how to do that, so you’ll have to indulge me).

He said I come up second in a Google search for sheep liniment, and hopefully he will be along himself sometime to explain just how boringly his Christmas was going when he made that discovery.

He’s right, though (yes, of course I looked), and it set me to trying to find other combinations of words that would get some of the rest of you onto the first page of a Google search (I never said my Christmas was exciting either).

First off, typing “Russian madsers” brought up HM’s own post about the polar bears in second place, and changing Russian to Russia, which is what he actually said,  put him top.

“Dwarf Leprechaun Outfit” puts Laughykate fifth on the front page, where it is in fact the first item that’s an actual post and not an ad for kiddies’ Dwarf or Leprechaun outfits (some people should just have their children taken away from them).

“Shag contraception free” is all you need to ask to contact XBox, though in fairness that could be said for most men. Amazingly, though, he also makes the front page if you type in “two little ducks”.

Disappointingly, though not surprisingly, “Dogs Bollocks” doesn’t bring you to K8 or indeed any of her awardees. More disappointingly, “the inn should never be full” doesn’t get her on the first page either, though she goes top if you limit the search to pages from Ireland. “Old My Arse”, the title of the first post of hers I ever read, gets first place, but since it’s a title rather than post content that feels like cheating (though cheating who? – it’s my game), so I’m settling for “unscrew one bulb in each light sequence”.

I’m sure there are a lot of other ways I could have got to Jo’s site, but I’d a particular target in mind, so after a lot of experimenting I found”RSI stupid pad thingy lesbian” got me to her post about her new laptop, and one of my favourite remarks since I started reading blogs:  “How do I stop myself getting RSI from the stupid mouse pad thingy I’m not good at using – I’d clearly never make a lesbian”.

And that was to have been that. But then, just to see if I could get myself top of a page, I typed in my made-up word “Keyshitatrandom” from this (sorry) post AND I GOT THIS!!! –

“Results 11 of 1 for keyshitatrandom. (0.07 seconds)”

This apparently is called a “Googlewhack”, a Google search query that returns a single result. Not only that, but Wikipedia says it’s a “Googlewhackblatt” (a single word that returns a single result), and then gets all Star-Trekky about how finding such a word and then writing about it destroys its uniqueness. So once I publish this it will be gone forever, so I’ll be writing about something that doesn’t exist. If I leave it alone, however, then it will, as long as I never say it does.

Kinda cool. In a very nerdy way.

And I had this filed in my catch-all “How Do You Categorize This?”, but after making this discovery there’s really only one place it can go.

10 thoughts on “Google Ogling

  1. Xbox4NappyRash

    I love those google searches, I’m getting a load of results from unsavory searches lately.

    My favourites are the combinations of Dr Phil and Bonnie Tyler that land on me.

    Hours of fun.

    Reply
  2. Jo

    Have you seen Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack show? I think you’d LOVE that. Search it out. It might even be on youtube. But watch from start to finish.

    Reply
  3. Jo

    Em, lads… I’m sure something needs cleaning. Or anything better than sitting round googling yourselves and eachother.

    You pair of googlers.

    Reply
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