Hop It

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is “down a rabbit hole”…

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Bugs Bunny stopped at what looked like an ordinary grass bank, looked around to make sure that there was no-one watching, and slipped down into the rabbit-hole.

Down below was the enormous bustling town of Warren Peace, home to thousands of rabbits.

Bugs strolled along the main street, which featured a greengrocers, a greengrocers, a pub (the Berk and Hare) and a salad-bar, which was simply an upmarket greengrocers.

A football match was taking place in the park. Bugs knew that the final score would be something like 62-59, which is what happens when a goalkeeper whose paws are very small has to try to save shots from players whose feet are very big.

Bugs saw groups of young bucks showing off in front of giggling, wiggling bunny girls. Later, he knew, they would all go off to the cinema together, crowd into the back-row and go at it like rabbits.

He dropped a coin into the begging-bowl of Old Stumpy, who had a crutch and only one leg, a cautionary reminder to the whole town that when it comes to a Lucky Rabbit’s Foot it is not generally the rabbit who is lucky.

Bugs had lived in the town all his life, but others had left to seek their fortunes elsewhere. Before she married Roger Rabbit and went off to Hollywood Jessica Rabbit had grown up there, though in those days her name had been, well, Jessica Rabbit actually.

Bugs went into his house and into his kitchen. It used to be fairly light on kitchen equipment, which had consisted simply of a vegetable rack, but Bugs had recently bought a small George-Foreman-Grill-like cooker in which he was able to produce steamed carrots, grilled carrots, braised carrots and in which he could have made Carrot and Coriander Soup, had he had any idea what coriander was.

The cooker was called the Bunny Boiler.

Bugs was soon so busy cooking that he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching stealthily from behind him. Elmer J Fudd turned, apparently to us reading this, put a finger to his lips and said “be vewy, vewy, qwiet. I’m hunting wabbit”. He crept up to Bugs, lifted his double-barrelled shotgun, and fired.

When the smoke cleared there was an Elmer-shaped hole in the wall, and his shotgun lay on the ground, its barrels peeled back like banana-skins.

Just as Elmer had fired Bugs had stuck a carrot into each barrel. Sometimes the old clichés are the best.

Bugs took his dinner into the sitting room and ate it in front of the TV. He was limited in the number of channels he could watch because he didn’t have cable, just an old rabbit’s-ears aerial.

Just as he was stretching and thinking about bed there was a tremendous rumbling in the wall. Bugs sighed. Dwarves were mining the area beside Warren Peace, and would sometimes break through into the town by mistake.

Sure enough, a hole suddenly opened up in the wall, and after a couple of seconds a dwarf’s head poked through it, looking about him in confusion.

“Ehhh, what’s up, Doc?” said Bugs.

3 thoughts on “Hop It

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