Time In A Bottle

Sidey’s Weekend Theme is (I may have mentioned this before) “hiding something”…

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The Time Capsule was ready. Professor Allen Martin and his team had assembled all of the items which they believed would give future generations an insight into life in the 2010s.

They had included the Harry Potter septology, if that’s a word, the box-set of Homeland, and a dog-turd graffitied with the word “respect”, winner of the 2011 Turner Prize.

They had included an laptop, a vacuum cleaner and a portaloo. They had included a genetically modified tomato the size of a water-melon, and a genetically modified water-melon the size of a pig.

They had included a map of the London Underground, the blueprints for the Large Hadron Collider and the instructions for assembling an Ikea bookcase. They had included a golf putter, a cricket ball and a luge.

And, so future generations would know what we look like, they’d put in photos of Brad Pitt and Scarlett Johansson. This was slightly cheating, but since people do it all the time on dating websites they felt that even the cheating in itself said something about us.

They gave the job of burying the capsule to Professor Pamela O’Rourke while they went back to their dig, trying to figure out where the Vikings had got those bits of broken dinner plates that turn up in every hole that you dig, anywhere.

Professor O’Rourke was not happy with being allotted this job, which she regarded as the equivalent of being asked to take out the trash. Nevertheless she dug the hole and was about to put the Capsule into it when the idea came to her. She re-opened the Capsule and removed all of its contents. Into it instead went a pair of clown’s shoes, an ear-trumpet, a loofah, a tin of cat-food with the label removed, and a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

She replaced Brad and Scarlett with Donald Trump and Mrs Doubtfire.

Which is why, in the year 2222, Professor Peter Brown’s thesis on life in Early 21st Century life won the Nobel Prize for Archaeology. In it he wrote that we had really odd hair, and that our women were remarkably ugly. We kept sponges as pets. We had huge feet, bad hearing, odd taste in food and even odder tastes in sex. All in all we were savages, and it was a tribute to mankind that they had evolved as positively as they had since then, with their 926 TV channels, iPhones the size of a suitcase and Now That’s What I Call Music Volume 42299.

It was the funniest archaeological joke since the Romans, who let’s face it were just Italians under a different name and therefore into pizza, opera and amore, had buried a trident, the jaw-bone of a lion and the wheel from an ox-cart in the giant stadium in which they used to watch soccer and thus, though they weren’t around to see the fruits of their joke, were responsible for Ben Hur.

4 thoughts on “Time In A Bottle

  1. I remember them burying the Blue Peter time capsule – and what was in there when they opened it! LoL!!!

    Green slime anyone??? :)

    God Bless!

    Prenin.

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