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For Tilly, as requested…


“Captain’s Log, Star Date 26279.3,” said Captain Picard. “We are in a part of space known as The Hub, and are on route to the previously uncharted planet E4247.”

“Approaching the planet now,” said Data.

“On screen,” said Captain.

“I see it, sir,” said Ensign Tilly Bud from behind him. “It’s a barren desert planet.”

“We haven’t turned the screen on yet,” said Picard. “You’re looking at the back of my head.”

“Sorry, sir,” said Tilly.

Picard turned to Counsellor Troi beside him. “Who’s she?”

“Ensign Bud,” said Troi. “She has a great warmth and sense of fun about her.”

“Do you know that because of your empathic powers?” asked Picard.

“No, it’s because everyone calls her the Laughing Crewman,” said Troi.

“About to enter orbit,” said Data.

“I recommend we go to Red Alert,” said Lieutenant Worf.

“That’s your answer to everything,” said Picard. “If we met the Clangers, who are two inches tall, you’d recommend Red Alert.”

“And rightly so,” said Tilly. “I’d say it’s no fun being caught by the Clangers.”

Picard stood. “I’m going to beam down to the planet,” he said. “Ensign Bud, you’re with me.”

“No way,” said Tilly. “I’ve seen what happens to new crew members who beam down to planets.”

“Would you do it for a Malteser?” asked Picard.

“Don’t talk to me like you’re offering Scooby-Doo a Scooby-snack,” said Tilly indignantly.

“A whole packet of Maltesers?”

“Deal,” said Tilly.

Picard and Tilly made their way to the transporter room.

“Set your phaser to its lowest setting,” said Picard. “I just want to stun people.”

“You’re doing a great job with me,” said Tilly adoringly.

The next two days were filled with adventures too exciting to be told here (because that would involve thinking some up, and if I could do that I’d be living in Hollywood instead of here). Numerous times Picard saved Tilly, numerous times Tilly saved Picard. They fought off monsters, giant jellyfish and beautiful E4247ian women (well, Tilly fought them off, she told Picard she was saving him from himself).

Eventually they found themselves alone. “Why don’t we stay here for a few days?” said Picard. “I could boldly go where no man has gone before.”

“I don’t know how you reckon that,” said Tilly, “since I’ve got two kids.”

“Well, at least have dinner with me in my quarters when we get back to the Enterprise,” said Picard.

Tilly smiled. “Make it so,” she said.

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