I’m Gonna Sit Write Down And Write Someone A Letter

The Daily Post Writing Challenge for this week is Mail It In. It suggests a load of stuff that’s way out of my league (when it comes to computers my League is Division 3 North) but also suggests that we might like to write about email itself (and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t?).
Email is great. Without it we’d have scenarios like the one below.

I heard the splat of envelopes on the hallway floor and went to look at that morning’s mail. There was a gentle reminder from my electricity provider about a sum I owed them, which hinted at “cutting off“ without actually specifying what. There was a request from somebody I’d met once on holiday in Dungarvan, asking me to “friend” them. There was a letter from a Nigerian princess asking me for my bank details (she had to write each letter, to everyone in the world, by hand, surely it would have been easier just to get a job).

Then there was a letter from my accountant.

It read “It’s time to send in this year’s tax returns. Please send me all your figures.”

I fetched a pen and some paper and wrote “Ok.” I went to the post-box and posted it.

A week went by. I received another letter from him. It said “Any update on this?”

I wrote back “Sorry, I forgot. Will get the stuff to you as soon as possible.” I went and posted that.
I spent the next hour digging out what he’d need. I put it into an envelope and wrote “Here it is now. See attachment.” I posted that, so that now both letters were in the same post-box. It’s quite possible that he read them in reverse order.

The next day I got the one-line letter “No attachment.”

I looked on my desk. The papers were still there. I wrote “Oops!” and duly attached the papers, with a paper clip.

He wrote back “No worries.”

The following day I got another letter from him. It read “I’ve booked the hotel for the weekend. My wife thinks I’m going to a conference. Love forever, choochy-face xxx.”

I wrote back “I think you’ve mailed this to the wrong person.”

A letter arrived first thing next morning by registered post. It had “This Message Was Sent With High Importance” written on the envelope. The letter read “Please delete that last piece of mail.”

I tore the first letter up and threw it in the fire, then wrote back “Done.”

His next letter was simply a blank piece of paper, on which he had drawn a smiley face.

Three days passed before a larger envelope arrived. In it was an official document. His letter read “Here is your tax return duly filled out. Please acknowledge receipt.”

I wrote back “Got it.”

He wrote “Good. Can you please sign it and return it to me.” I did this.

The next day I got his bill. I wrote “Here is your payment.” I attached a cheque.

His next letter read “Thanks.”

Three days later I got a letter from the tax office, setting out how much money I owed them. I’m really worried, because I don’t have the money to pay it.

I spent it all on stamps.

12 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Sit Write Down And Write Someone A Letter

  1. This makes me laugh because I have recently committed myself to writing letters. One of the weirdest things so far is that as soon as I put the letter in the envelope, I wonder how the recipient is reacting to the correspondence – even though I know it’s still in my hand.

    • I think the problem with email is that you’ll be much more short, and therefore possibly more abrupt, than you would in a letter or phone call.
      The other problem is that you don’t know when or in what circumstances the other person will get the email. A good friend and client of mine when I was self-employed sent me a short snotty email about something he wasn’t happy about. He sent it to my office in the evening so I’d see it in the morning. Unfortunately someone rang my house and said they needed something first thing the following morning so I had to drive to my office that night, pissed off because I’d been rung at home, and because I’d to open up, and because I’d to turn on my computer, and while I was there, in that mood, I read his email. My reply to him was even snottier, and we ended up falling out over it and didn’t see each other for years, until quite recently.

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