A group called The Book People regularly leave a selection of books into our office. These vary in their catchment age – for example, this month’s includes a box-set of all of the Beatrix Potter books, while also including a book called “Can’t Be Arsed”, a list of 101 things not to bother doing before you die (No 28 is “Get a Tattoo”, by the way). The books are cheaper than in the shops, you tick the one you want and a couple of weeks later it is delivered.
This month they offer this book:
Which it could be argued is fair enough, perhaps some of us would like to teach our granny how to email or how to accidentally order 2500 boxes of paper online (I’ve done that, they asked how much paper I wanted, which was a box of 5 reams at 500 sheets per ream, so I put in 2500 and would still be paying for them today were it not for the fact that the company had to ring me to tell me that they didn’t have that number of boxes in all their stores put together).
Anyway, this post comes about because of this part of the cover:
It seems that I am a senior.
Not only that, but I’ve been one for over four years now. Had I not been clutching tightly to my Zimmer frame when I read this I’d have fallen down in shock.
I do not regard myself as a senior. I am not reading retirement home brochures, buying boxes of denture cream (2500 at a time, if I do it online) or bemoaning the fact that pop music these days is shite, even though it is.
I have never been on a cruise. I do not like Tony Bennett. I do not own a cardigan.
The fact that I’ve had to pause this rant for a sit-down and a nice cup of tea is due to the fact thatI like tea. And sitting down.
I still see myself as young, vibrant and (Grannymar will back me up on this) hot.
Apparently I’m not, and it’s not just me. Stephen Fry, Sharon Stone and Donny Osmond (four days older than me, sadly I actually know that) are all seniors. While Gillian Anderson isn’t , David Duchovny is (sorry Mulder, but the truth is out there). The list is endless, and astonishing. Antonio Banderas. Enya. Eddie Murphy. Meg Ryan. All four members of U2, even Larry Mullen. Michael J Fox, who still looks younger than any of my children. Heather Locklear.
Linford Christie. Every bit of him.
I wrote about Madonna a few days ago. According to the authors of this book she too is a senior.
I wouldn’t like to be the one who tells her.
Don’t worry, my child. You have a fair way to go yet before you become One Of Us.
For Heaven’s sake – you’re only barely out of nappies.
I haven’t heard of half the people on your list. Does this make me antedeluvian?
In my book I entered seniority when I took my OAP at 60, so you’ve a little way to go.
But my grandson, who is just 10 will be going to senior school next year. I’m confused.
Tinman, you sure are HOT. last time I was in your arms (dancing), I had to peel off my clothes (jacket)!
Luv ancient Grannymar.
Me too – though I’m loads younger than you – almost a year. Around these parts, as soon as we turn 50 we start getting mail from the AARP (american association of retired persons), offering us the chance to join up so we can get a card that will give us great savings for a whole bunch of places and things that I can’t imagine using even when I do feel more senior.
I know the Book People. We get them at work and I confess to having more than one of their excellently priced books on my bookshelves. I find them hard to resist!
Of all the names you mentioned who were now ‘seniors’ (and sadly it seems that I am in that category now) the one that shocked me most was David Duchovny – surely Fox Mulder can’t be 50 now?? He is but a boy in the X Files.
Dear Tinman, I get Sharon Stone and Donny Osmond (pant), but in what universe that didn’t include a forest fire and the strongest chili known to man would you find the words ‘Stephen Fry’ and ‘hot’ in the same sentence?
I LOVE the Book People books. I miss that.
Larry Mullen is over 50?? Damn.
What’s with everyone getting older, but not aging? Surely it wasn’t like that when we were young?
50 is ackershally the new 40.