In the bar of my local on Saturday night, the conversation turned to the pedestrian crossing which has recently been installed outside (see, we don’t just talk about football and boobs).
A discussion took place as to whether or not a sensor could be installed so that the lights would change every time a man internally wearing a box full of electrical impulses approached. The consensus was that this would get me into the pub quicker, that this would be a good thing, and that the conversation as a whole was hilarious.
My protestations that it was just as well that I’m not sensitive were ignored, mainly because, after the first couple of seconds, I was one of the most enthusiastic particpiants in the debate. Because I think it would be cool. People still love house lights that turn on when you clap your hands, or phones that ring a certain person if you say their name. To those who might say that stuff like that is childish, that grown-ups aren’t impressed, I can only reply with the four words Big Mouth Billy Bass.
Anyone would feel slightly smug if they could walk up to a set of traffic lights knowing that they would automatically change in their favour as they neared. It would be like having a secret superpower.
My pubmates are wrong, however, if they think I’d arrive at the pub quicker. I’d be far more likely to stand at the very limit of the sensor’s range, stepping forwards and backwards into and out of it, annoying the shit out of the traffic. For hours on end.
I might not get to the pub at all.