Bertie TV
Those who worried that Bertie Ahern would starve now that he has resigned as 
taoiseach need have had no fear.
taoiseach need have had no fear.RTE have announced that Bertie will be a guest host on The Road to Croker while Des Cahill is at the Olympics. This will of course be a success – the man talked about Liverpool’s ‘Michael Owens’ during his appearance as part of the panel on The Premiership back in 2001, so is clearly a sporting mastermind.
On the back of that success, RTE are to give him an entire evening of programmes all to himself.
Although they have made every attempt to keep it a secret, on your behalf Tinman18 has obtained the schedule:
18.00 Location, Location, Location
Bertie travels the country looking at sites which would have been suitable for the Bertiebowl, had it not been for the narrow vision of the Irish People.
18.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps
A lively programme of chat from Fagan’s Pub in Drumcondra.
19.00 Ground Force
On deciding that his garden needs a vegetable plot, Bertie asks ten friends to give him a dig-out.
19.30 The Weakest Link
Bertie interviews Martin Cullen.
20.00 What Not to Wear
Trinny and Susannah set fire to Bertie’s anorak.
20.30 House Hunters
Advice on how to live rent free, such as by living in your office, or getting some English bloke to buy a house he doesn’t want to live in.
21.00 Extreme Sports
Bertie climbs every tree in North Dublin looking for signs of corruption from Ray Burke.
21.30 Room 101
Bertie picks his pet hates to go into Room 101 – the list includes Des O’Neill SC, other socialists, Meath’s GAA team and general smartarses.
22.00 About the House
Standing in for Duncan Stewart, Bertie visits the PDs, who have decided that their headquarters are now too big for their needs. Bertie suggests demolition.
22.30 The Sky at Night
A review of Bertie’s favourite channels – Sky Sports 1, 2 and 3, and of course MUTV.
23.00 University Challenge
The teams are University College Dublin and the London School of Economics, and Bertie challenges each of them to provide any proof that he actually attended either.
23.30 Countdown
In the numbers round Bertie is given a punt figure and a sterling figure and an exchange rate, and his target is to produce a sum that equals exactly 45,000 dollars.
In the letters round he asks for 3 vowels and 4 consonants, and comes up with the word Loolahs.
Midnight: A Prayer at Bedtime
Bertie prays that he has produced enough smokes and daggers to keep Dem Tribunal Feckers from finding anything else.
He also offers fervent thanks to God that he got out as Taoiseach just before the entire country fell apart.
Good one, Tinman.
Comment by Medbh — August 14, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
Thanks Medbh, gone all shy now (I’m very new at this).
Comment by tinman18 — August 15, 2008 @ 8:52 am